If This Bejeweled Feet Trend Catches On, You’re Going to Eat Your Shoes

Hold onto your leather baseball caps because Miley Cyrus has started a new trend and this one is up there on the Top Miley Cyrus Utterly Ridiculous Trends List, right below the fuzzy bear leotard. Miley Cyrus posted a photo of her feet on Instagram covered with rhinestones and the faded words “Dirty Hippie.” Could this be the start of a foot embellishing phase and see us running out to the Dollar Store for glitter glue, pom poms and rhinestones? Or is this so crazy that not even people with foot fetishes are into it?

I pray to the fashion gods (Chanel, Dior) that this will not even become a fad, never mind a legitimate trend, but I still would love to know where the idea for jeweled feet came from. It’s not the sort of thing you just throw on and walk out the door. It takes time to glue on each individual stone and wait for them to dry (we wouldn’t want them coming off now would we). So she couldn’t have been that wasted when she decided to go all Kindergarten craft time on feet, otherwise she wouldn’t have had the coordination to glue the jewels on properly.

Or maybe, she actually meant to put the gems on her toenails and this was the unfortunate result of what happens when you attempt a manicure drunk on paint fumes, whisky and Tang. I can barely paint my nails sober, throw in some alcohol and no wonder things didn’t turn out so well.

Maybe she was annoyed that she hadn’t used her arts and crafts box since she glued some fur onto fishnets and called it a dress, and decided this was the perfect excuse to use up her extra gems? She can’t use them all to cover her nipples, guys that would be too much.

As to where the Dirty Hippie thing came from, it’s as much as a mystery as what happened on Hannah Montana that made Miley turn into someone who’s tongue is out of her mouth more than a dog’s. Maybe she meant to write her name on her feet, so when she was stumbling out of another club at 3AM, and someone asked for her autograph, she could look down and know how to spell her name? Miley Cyrus/Dirty Hippie, they’re pretty close aren’t they? She better get it tattooed on, otherwise it will rub off during all the gyrating she does during her Bangerz tour.

Not even a Sharpie can withstand a night out with Miley Cryus. This was what her feet originally looked like pre-drink eight, post-hallucinogenic three:

Come to think of it, she better use some extra strength Super Glue too. And please somebody keep the girl away from a hot glue gun.

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    • Samantha Escobar

      This looks so uncomfortable, eep! Although I admittedly would have been cool with doing it in college before Coachella. I was very into sparkles. :(