Cinderella’s Sexy New Glass Slippers Make Her Old Ones Look Like Prudes

When I first heard about all the upcoming live-action versions of Disney fairy tales, I was skeptical. Do we really need a live-action Jungle Book? The cartoons were doing just fine on their own. But now that we’ve seen so much footage of Maleficent I am positively stoked about all of them, because it is très fashion, and this new trailer for Disney’s live-action Cinderella looks like it is going in exactly the same direction.

Seriously, it’s all about the shoes. This could be an ad for Sex and the City 3, except there’s no overt Manolo Blahnik label on it.

Cinderella’s glass slipper appears to have gotten a sexy modern upgrade since 1950. It used to have a modest heel:

giphy

Now it looks like this:

Screen Shot 2014-05-16 at 14.06.01

That is a high, high heel. Kim Kardashian would have trouble walking in that sucker.

Unfortunately, I find myself unable to look at them without hearing Chris Rock in my head asking how clear heels became the stripper uniform.

“When did that happen? Was there a big ho convention, and all the hoes got together and said: ‘We need something new! Something that just says nasty‘…And one girl said: ‘I got it! Clear heels!’ ‘Ooh, girl, you disgusting!’”

But whatever, Cinderella does not give a fuck. Her car is made out of a pumpkin, and mice clean her house for her.

giphy-1

Seriously, the shoes might look kind of like blocky Swarovski stripper heels, but I do not care. There are few things in live I love more than a good, high-budget costume movie, and this seems like it’s going to shake out to be as costume-heavy as Maleficent. Maleficent may ostensibly be about the back story of Disney’s most famous villains, but I’ve seen every trailer so far and I’m pretty sure it’s really about contouring and Phillip Treacy millinery and why I should wear a feathered cape this fall. (I will do it, just see if I don’t.)

A year from now, will we all be wearing clear heels? Probably, because Cinderella told us to.

(Video: Disney Movie Trailers, giphy)

Share This Post:
    • Samantha Escobar

      Do they come in kitten heel size? If so, I’m game.

      • Samantha Escobar

        Well, maybe. I’d be terrified they’d break and everything would end up like that one scene in Die Hard :(

    • loser_sneeze

      So, there definitely already IS a live action of The Jungle Book. It came out in the 1990s and was made by Disney.

    • Elizabeth

      What looks odd to me is that the back part where your heel goes seems way too curved in. No one’s ankles go at that angle… Right?