If You Can’t Be Beyoncé, You Can At Least Buy Her Sexy New Emoji T-Shirts

"Charles James: Beyond Fashion" Costume Institute Gala - Arrivals

Remember when somebody made a new music video for “Drunk in Love” using only emojis? Don’t act like you didn’t watch it a thousand times. (And if you didn’t, at least lie. Make me feel better about the two thousand views that came from me alone.) Anyway, it looks like Beyoncé herself is a fan, since she’s just released new t-shirts that seem to be a giant nod to the viral video. Available for preorder on her official website, you have your choice between two tees: one that references “Drunk in Love” with, of course, emojis riding surfboards, and one that plays homage to her song “Blow” with pictures of cherries. They’re only $40 each! And nothing says “raunchy lyrics about monogamous marital sex” quite like iPhone emoticons!

surfboard and blow t-shirts

The internet is full of novelty t-shirts that you can wear once and then never look at again, but these ones take the cake. Not since that $400 polo shirt that looked like Kanye West spilled mustard on it have we seen such an inventive, overpriced, and unnecessary piece of fan merchandise. The cynical half of me wants to be like “they’re not even cute” and “someone got paid a shit ton of money to design these and I could have done it on Microsoft Word,” but the wide-eyed Beyoncé fan inside my heart wants to buy one. At the very least, these shirts will be hilarious in like fifteen years. I can’t wait until someone has to explain to their teenage child 1) what an emoji was, 2) why everyone was so obsessed with them, and 3) what it means to “turn that cherry out.”

Via Huff Post / Photos: Getty Images, Beyonce.com

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    • Alana Vincenza

      Eh, for $40 I think I’ll pass.

    • Heather C

      Nothing like having the word “blow” right above your crotch. Surfboard isn’t that much better either.

      • AlyshiaNorgaardlab

        as Kevin
        replied I cannot believe that people able to earn $4404 in a few weeks on the
        computer . try here F­i­s­c­a­l­p­o­s­t­.­C­O­M­

    • TheLeast

      Well, folks, it’s not like this chubby culture-tart graduated from Vassar, OK? She is STREET, just like her dirty-minded, foul-mouthed husband, no matter what Valerie Jarrett wants you to believe about Michelle’s BFF’s…

      • Globalist

        Wow, you do lack self esteem! VERY hateful statments made by you. What have you accomplished; made your first $million yet?

      • TheLeast

        I note with sadness that your silly reply reflects precisely an attitude now held by a staggering number of modern Americans: that the ability to amass some amount of wealth can be equated to objective excellence, regardless of the moral qualities of the vehicle by which the personality in question gained her wealth. Do you have any daughters at home, “Globalist”? If so, would you encourage them to wear a garment which featured an image of the word “BLOW”, located near crotch level?

        It is precisely because of the vast horde of Americans who have lost any real sense of morality that pornography, among other culturally corrosive elements on the loose in American life, is such a big business in our country today.

    • naoma

      I personally do not care for her and her shirts SUCK.