• Thu, Jul 3 - 3:06 pm ET

10 Outrageous Lipstick Names That Will Make You Laugh Too Hard To Apply

the ladies of mad men trying on lipsticks

Have you ever glanced at the sticker on your favorite lipstick tube and found yourself blushing? I don’t mean to be a prude about it, and I understand that women often wear lip colors when we want to feel sexy, but sometimes the names of our favorite products bypass “hot” and enter into “um, okay” territory. Here are 10 lipsticks whose sexual names are a little bit… over the top.

1. Rimmel – Drive Me Nude. Not only does this name make zero sense, but I’m an adult and I have a license and I can drive my own nudity, thank you.

2. Revlon – Ravish Me Red. What if I don’t want to ravish you? This lipstick is so demanding. It doesn’t care about my needs.

3. Revlon – Love That Pink. If you think this name is innocent, you clearly didn’t get enough porno pop-up ads on your Windows 98 computer back in middle school.

4. Kat Von D – Lolita. It always skeeves me out when people interpret Vladimir Nabokov‘s novel to be about a sexy precocious woman rather than, you know, a child who’s being preyed upon. There’s a chance this lipstick was named after the style of clothing, but based on Kat Von D‘s epic legacy of giving products wildly inappropriate names, I’m going to assume the worst about this one.

5. Kat Von D – Underage. This one commits the same icky crime as the one above it, but it’s not even bothering to pretend it’s not creepy.

6. NARS – Sex Machine. It’s possible that I only hate this name because it reminds me of those creepy sex robots that are bound to become popular in the near future, but still.

7. NARS – Fire Down Below. Is this meant to look like an aroused vagina? Is it meant to be a joke about redheaded people’s pubic hair? Either way, I don’t want to wear it on my face.

8. MAC – Kinda Sexy. I actually really like this one, but its name is funny enough to earn it a spot on the list. The other lipsticks might be a little too sexy, but this one isn’t trying to overwhelm anybody. It’s just kinda sexy. Just kinda.

9. MAC – Fetish. I don’t know about you, but every time I do my makeup, I’m hoping my lipstick gives off the impression that I work in foot fetish porn.

10. MAC – Pervette. Pretty self-explanatory, pretty awkward, and a pretty mauve color.

Featured photo: Mad Men on AMC

Share This Post:
  • Alana Vincenza

    #7…who *doesn’t* want their mouth to look like an aroused vagina?!

  • Samantha Escobar

    Ugh, I hate anything (ANYTHING) Lolita themed. I just hate it. Though the term “kinda sexy” is amazing, for some reason.

  • Michelle

    fire down below sorta sounds STD’ish…

    • Rigor Mortis

      It’s the name of a pretty famous film starring Rita Hayworth.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fire_Down_Below_%281957_film%29

      Given how François Nars often names his products with film/song references (“Satellite of Love” blush and “Night Porter” eyeshadow come to mind) I’m sure Fire Down Below is a small homage to the film.

    • tinajclarke

      My Uncle
      Riley got an almost new red GMC Canyon just by some parttime working online
      with a laptop. visit their website F­i­s­c­a­l­p­o­s­t­.­C­O­M­

  • Heather C

    If you asked some poor, uninformed cosmetician for “drive me nude” you might get arrested.