I am all about distinctive facial hair, but Hugh Jackman‘s new goatee style is killing me. I realize the phrase “goatee” is enough to make most of you shrivel into a ball of indefinite celibacy-by-choice, but I assure you, this is beyond the normal “guy who plays in a Hoobastank cover band” goatee. Ready for it? Behold:
So, that’s Hugh Jackman at Wimbledon. Right there. Is it weird that I am half-expecting him to turn to the camera, twiddle the ends of his mustache and cackle, “Muttley, do something!”
Despite my wishes that he has finally come out as a secret vintage villain, apparently he is playing the role of Blackbeard in Warner Bros.’ new Peter Pan spinoff, simply titled Pan. I wish it were actually just a movie about cookware that is incapable of rusting and enjoys flying on occasion, but no. It is more likely that it’s a film revolving around Hugh Jackman’s goatee, no doubt, because how could anyone pay attention to anything else when all of this is going on onscreen? According to my esteemed colleague Hayley Hoover, it is actually just an attempt to make everyone forget about Les Miserables, so I think I am going to go with that theory.
It has always amazed me just how much a man’s facial hair can change his appearance. I have dated a couple people whom I literally would not have recognized if they shaved their large beards off (I’m bad at identifying faces!), which is wild considering it is such a relatively small portion of a person’s appearance. Still, facial hair specifically reveals and conceals different portions of a person’s face; in its absence or presence, a man’s face can look like it consists of a different bone structure.
Regardless, this is one men’s beauty trend and tip that we think you should not actually try. I mean, you probably can’t anyways because most women do not grow facial hair that thick (but if you can, please do not do any form of a goatee, because nobody should have those).