Who’s up for breast gymnastics? Anyone? Bueller? While some people may roll their eyes at weird beauty inventions, I am fascinated by them–especially if they actually work. (I was so pleased to hear that there are Wet Brush fans out there). Asia is knee-deep in beauty inventions that, sadly, have yet to gain popularity on this side of the world. If you have ever tried any of these, please let me know in the comments, because I would love to read your reviews.
Check out 15 strange beauty inventions from Asia that could be coming to a drugstore near you:
If you’re looking to slim your mouth, like the rest of us, this bone-like tool is for you. Just attach it to the corners of your mouth and get ready to put those facial muscles to work. Use it for as little as 2-3 minutes on a daily basis and you’ll get a more taut, defined face. At least we know it will be more effective than chewing–unless you chew wood rather than food.
This vibrating device is supposed to give you a straighter nose, if you use it for 20 minutes a day. It has a push-up mechanism that pinches on the outside and pushes up in the outside. Here I thought plastic surgery was the only way to fix a crooked nose. Stupid me, I should have known there was a fallopian tube model-like device that would also correct it.
I thought the name’s translation might have been incorrect, since a face iron sounds scary. Well, it is an accurate description because this device has three temperature settings and heats up to 360 degrees. It doesn’t specify whether that is Fahrenheit or Celsius, but either way, it is fucking hot. You’re supposed to leave it in one spot for 10-20 seconds, so I think the goal must be to burn the wrinkles right off your face.
Although it sounds like a dual stimulating sex toy, this device is developed by a celebrity midwife and is actually meant to lift and shape shagging boobs. What’s wrong with just using the hands you were blessed with to massage yourself? At just under 9″ this can “reach places that you hands can’t.” I need to stop writing this description right there, otherwise this post will need a NSFW disclaimer.
This five-piece toning mask is apparently a huge hit in Korea for those wanting to get rid of turkey neck. This multi-tasking product moisturizes with their BodyFit Essence which contains vitamin E and Q10 enzymes as it lifts your skin. Why the diamond name? It doesn’t appear to contain diamond dust, but it is probably a reference to the diamond-sharp V-shape face you will get from using this face jockstrap.
If you think that your breasts and nipples somehow don’t match the rest of your skin, this cream will instantly make your boob area pinker. It also helps smooth nipples out, since no one likes wrinkly areolae. You really shouldn’t be surprised about this one because people have been bleaching their butt-holes for awhile.
It would be great if this was just a pair of cartoon lips that you were supposed to wear and pretend that they’re your own. This contraption is actually a muscle exerciser, like #1. You pop this silicone mould in your mouth, then do some muscle exercises. Confused about what those are? They recommend saying your ABCs and making different facial expressions. It’s also suggested you practice in the bath, since that’s where the muscles are their most relaxed.
The Asian market has a large selection of bondage anti-aging masks that, sadly, we have yet to see show up on our shores. This five-layer mask is made out of polyurethane, nylon, rubber and polyester and it makes you sweat a lot. Soaking in own sweat is meant to be good for your skin. As you’re roasting, the snug-fitting mask also tightens and tones your face. It can be used when you’re working or eating, both of which I’d love to see someone try.
If you rival Victoria Beckham in the permafrown department, this device coaxes your face upward, so showing your pearly whites feels more natural. What’s the secret? Anything would feel more natural than having plastic handlebars shoved in your mouth.
Your nipples may be cotton candy pink thanks to #5, but there’s still work to be done. If you feel “inadequate” (their words, not mine) because of your inverted nipples, this device will “correct” them. It comes with three different attachments to get the perfect nipple fit, guaranteed.
11. Ear Scope
I have always wanted to see the insides of my ears when I clean them–using a cotton bud just doesn’t cut it. The Ear Scope allows you to see all the nasty stuff that is your ear navity with a 1.5mm lens and 7400 pixel optical figure. I’m not a magnifying expert, but I think you will probably be able to see your brain with that.
I give top marks to the clever entrepreneur who repurposed a vegetable mandolin cutter as a beauty vegetable mandolin cutter. This one also comes with a built-in mirror, so you can apply your freshly cut cucumbers ASAP.
Got eye bags or dark circles? Put down the concealer and try this vibrating contraption. The device buzzes at 3000 times per minute and uses a “slightly” warm heat to increase circulation, to give you a bright-eyed appearance.
14. Wrinkle Vacuum
If you’ve been using anti-aging creams, you may have been wasting your money. This little tool sucks up wrinkles. It only works on forehead lines, but I wonder how good this device would be at removing blackheads?
This looks suspiciously like two hair elastics and a dissected butterfly clip, but this invention is a scalp stretcher. “Scalp stretching” might sound like a frightening torture method, but it is actually used to reduce the appearance of sagging fagging skin. Simply put the elastic bands around you ears, hook up the clips to each side and cover with your hair. Then pray there won’t be any strong gusts of wind.