A few days ago I wrote a little post about 20 things only fat girls understand. The Internet, as I knew it would, responded in kind. The fat girl must not have opinions. The fat girl must only use GIFs of fat people in her fat girl post. The fat girl is misguided and uses something that the sad internet people of Reddit call “fat logic.” In the SubReddit: Fat Logic, like-minded people discuss like-minded things, like the disgusting displays of fat people they see on the street, on television, and online. They sit there on their forum, stewing in their hatred for other bodies, congratulating themselves for not going so low as to ever use the same logic as a person that is heavier than them. They are severely unhappy, misguided, and angry people.
To those people, I say this: thank you very much for visiting our site. The traffic you gave to us was very sweet. Really, you shouldn’t have. But we thank you, all the same.
I enjoyed reading their responses. Here are my absolute favorite responses to my fat girls article, may god bless their tiny fat shaming hearts.
I wanted to start with something fun and uplifting. The attached “soon” meme implied that soon my death would be upon me. How sweet.
This person threatened violence! Because I have a fat ass! He has not seen my ass so I propose an ass-fight. Only the strongest ass will win.
I want to shout “I’m perky yet aggressive!” from the rooftops and have it engraved on my headstone.
I only see a compliment for doing a job well done. So thanks, pinkpeach11197!
The GIFs aren’t irrelevant, I cited them, and I’m SO GLAD I slowed your browser down so you couldn’t beat off to sub girls calling you daddy. You just made my day.
Yes, I would love it if manufacturers replaced the inner thigh with a patch of ultra strength low friction wonder material that is super cute and affordable! THIS IS EXACTLY MY POINT.
And you seem oddly concerned with alleviating the pressure between my thighs…
This, boy and girls, is an uneducated confused person. They confuse fat positivity with thin shaming, which is something I would never do.
I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over all those capital letters and how much I don’t give a shit, you unspecial lame cupcake!
#1 Tumblr A-Hole at your service! There were words too, but maybe you can’t read? If so, my apologies. But I guess you can’t read that either.
1) My ass is very real. 2) I am indeed a feminist, so rage on. 3)I prefer vaginally inclined.
Now excuse me while I run around the block with my un-shaved legs and shamelessly take birth control pills while fighting off all the delusional persecutions and yelling that YES, ALL MEN are pigs.
OMG I am so embarrassed that you saw me crying while writing my post. Next time, can we agree to pretend I had something in my eye?
I was so silly to think that people would read the words and just enjoy the corresponding GIFs. What a silly vaginally inclined person I am.
Once again, the GIFs were not the point.
Your roommate from college should probably stay far away from you from now on. And Sonic is delicious. I want some right now. Does that make you have a sad face?
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THE GIF HATE. What’s wrong with you people?!
Oh damn, are you a certified personal trainer? Oh, you’re not? Didn’t think so.
You guys are totally right. If Rebel Wilson or Melissa McCarthy ever saw my post, they would definitely think, “Why aren’t there more GIFs of me in here? Like, I’m reading what she’s saying, but the GIFs just aren’t doing it for me.” Yes, that’s exactly how it would go.
This morning before work, I stood naked in front of my mirror, hands lovingly patting my belly, pinching the fat on my arms, and rubbing my fat thighs against each other. I reminded myself that my body is a good body. All bodies are good bodies. Thin, fat, short, tall, round, lanky. They are all good bodies. Even the dear Reddit trolls have good bodies, though no doubt have poisoned minds. After that, I put on a dress, some lipstick, and caught the train into the city. If that image makes the fat-shamers throw up in their mouths, I sincerely hope with all the conviction of the clogged arteries of my heart that they choke on it.