- 67 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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- Your decision to stop talking to Devon even though the two of you promised you would try to stay friends
- The military policies of the state of Israel
- Anonymous
- Single moms More
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- 67 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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What do men drink? They drink Coke Zero, but you have to be very careful with them about it. Sometimes they forget they’re allowed to have some. Put a man alone in a room with a Coke Zero and he’ll die of thirst.
“I don’t think I’m allowed to drink that,” he’ll announce quietly to the silent room. “I think – I think this is that drink, that drink for women, the one that they have. Excuse me? Excuse me? Hello? I need – I need a drink for men, please. Please. I need a drink for me, for my male throat.” More
- 68 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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- 68 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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INT. WHITE ROOM
MARY (a serene-looking woman of about 40)
faces the camera.
MARY
This is Christina.
A picture of CHRISTINE (young, smiling woman)
fills the screen.
MARY
Three years ago, Christina was
diagnosed with a rare form of
blood cancer. Doctors gave her
only months to live. Then she
found St. James Hospital.
A picture of an impressively modern hospital. Sleek. More
Women who code
Women who run with the wolves
Women who love too much
Women who kill
Women who age well
Women who are players
Women who act like men
Women who ask for money
Women who attract gay men
Women who are amazing in bed More
- 74 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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Jen’s wedding colors will be turquoise, being a good sport, and “Lean In,” Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg’s new book.
Guests who are unable to demonstrate their ability to “have it all” will be turned away at the door.
Each member of the bridal party will be given a rescue dog; if they already have a rescue dog, their rescue dog will be given a seeing-eye dog. More
“’Spring Breakers,’ which also stars James Franco, 34, as a white-trash rapper and drug dealer (just a week after he’ll be seen in Disney’s “Oz the Great and Powerful”), is “Natural Born Killers” meets an MTV reality show.”
- 75 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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Austin’s annual music & film festival South by SouthWest hasn’t historically provided the most welcoming environment for women, but that’s beginning to change. Several panels this year focus on issues facing female journalists, and so far no startups have been reduced to hiring women to attend their parties yet. Here are a few of the things the women of SXSW are up to this year.
More
- 75 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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Red wine can definitely fight the effects of aging.
Red wine will clear up your acne, but it will replace the acne with migraines.
Red wine will enable you to “have it all” but it will give your children autism. If your children already have autism, it will give them a peanut allergy. If your children already have a peanut allergy, it will turn them into human-sized dragonflies.
Red wine is the winning taste in the 2013 Do Us a Flavor Lay’s Potato Chip flavor contest. More
What We're Reading:
-
6 Ways Sex Can Make You More Attractive
Source: YourTango -
3 Ways He Can Tell You're Faking An Orgasm
Source: YourTango -
Why Kissing Matters During Foreplay
Source: YourTango -
This Will Drive Your Man Wild Before Sex
Source: The Stir -
Woman Divorces Soldier Who Lost Legs Because She Wants A Normal Life
Source: The Stir
According to the Sarasota Dolphin Research Program, dolphins not only refer to each other by specific “abstract names,” but they also pattern their whistles after their friends, just like we do in college when we’re not sure what identity to have yet and the girl down the hall seems to have everything figured out so why not just do that. More
- 75 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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If you have been looking for a way to use your cosmetology and mortician’s licenses lately, why not try your hand at being a mortuary makeup artist? Here are a few tips from some of the best funeral home cosmetology blogs we could find. More
- 81 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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Some revelations defy introduction or context:
In a bizarre interview with ABC News, the one American who has spent significant time with North Koran leader Kim Jong Eun — former NBA star Dennis Rodman — said Sunday that he considers the human rights violator his “friend.”
“He’s a good guy to me. He’s my friend,” Rodman said. “I don’t condone what he does, but as a person to person, he’s my friend.”
- 81 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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Join my network on LinkedIn – This is a perfunctory request from someone who never liked you, but likes to keep tabs on you. You have no idea how strongly this person dislikes you; you think of this person as a friend you’ve simply fallen out of touch with. You have never been good at accurately categorizing how other people feel about you. More
- 81 days ago by Mallory Ortberg
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Related: 2/10 Would Not Bang.
Would not bang!
Could not bang!
Shall not, I’ll not
will not bang.
Will you bang her
Here or there?
I will not bang her,
here or there.
I would not bang her anywhere.
I would not bang her:
four out of ten.
I will not bang her,
my foolish friend. More
