First, let me get this out of the way right now: I love tattoos. I love body modification in general; if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have 10 tattoos, a scarification piece, and ears that are (sadly) shrunken but used to be stretched. Body modification is wonderful! That said, it is still a choice, and just as with all choices, it is open to discussion–especially when it comes to celebrities.
Just as with fashion, makeup and other aesthetic choices, getting a subjectively terrible tattoo doesn’t make you an awful person (unless you have a bunch of pro-Hitler tattoos, in which case you’re on your own in the fight to prove you don’t totally suck as a human being). But just as with those aforementioned choices, tattoos are up for interpretation, so in honor of TLC’s show America’s Worst Tattoos premiering, let’s interpret these tattoos on the likes of Justin Bieber, Hayden Panettiere, and more celebs.
1. Hayden Panettiere
Let’s start light. Her tattoo isn’t actually terrible so much as it’s misspelt. It’s supposed to say “Vivere senza rimpianti,” Italian for “Live without regrets,” but it was written, “Vivere senza asrimipianti.” If you’re going to get a tattoo in a language you don’t speak, perhaps check with a native speaker beforehand.
2. Dean McDermott
He literally has Tori Spelling‘s face tattooed on the back of his arm. The resemblance is not uncanny.
3. Khloe Kardashian
I will always think couple tattoos are stupid, especially when you’re a Kardashian. And initial tattoos are usually just so, so uncreative.
4. Kate Gosselin
I love (LOVE) Winnie The Pooh, but an adorable animated character does not a good tattoo make.
Well, at least he’s pro-animal rights, right?
6. Audrina Patridge
Forgive me, I’m bad at interpreting art, but what fresh hell is this?
7. Dennis Rodman
Dude’s sort of a professional weirdo, but his tattoo’s subject has a penis that is the length of her entire torso.
8. Ryan Cabrera
Cabrera, also known as That Guy Who Had That One Song In My AIM Profile, made news for the first time in a decade when he inked Ryan Gosling‘s face on his leg. He doesn’t even look ashamed, but to be fair, he also thinks his hair looks good.
9. Jamie Foxx
A head tattoo that wraps all the way around in an indistinguishable pattern. Edgy!
10. Pam Anderson
Has any human being on the planet had a good reason to get a barbed wire armband?
Now, for the Biebs, a Miley Cyrus tattoo, ScarJo, and more…
11. Mena Suvari
To be fair, 14-year-old me definitely scribbled something like this (font included) in my ninth grade notebooks.
12. Miley Cyrus
Oof, we cringed a few weeks ago and we’re still cringing now.
13. Stephen Baldwin
Speaking of Miley, yeah so, Stephen Baldwin has a Hannah Montana tattoo.
14. Melanie Griffith
This is basically a stock photo tattoo concept.
15. Angelina Jolie
Okay, she totally got this covered up and good for her! Billy Bob Thornton, while peculiarly appealing, should not be all up on her arm with that Mortal Combat dragon thing.
16. Mike Tyson
Yeah yeah, all that can be said about this tattoo has been said before. But I hate Mike Tyson, so on this list he goes!
17. Scarlett Johansson
18. Gucci Mane
This photo’s a little blurry, but dude’s got an ice cream cone tattooed on his face. To be fair, I would probably get an ice cream cone tattoo if I were to get any food on my body forever.
19. Nick Carter
Just…all of them.
20. Justin Bieber
I don’t think any list like this made after 2012 could be complete without the Biebs and his absurdly bad tattoos.