Well, the summer is officially here! Today in the city it’s supposed to be an obnoxious 97 degrees, but the way the heat and humidity settles in between the tall buildings, it will feel even stickier. I’m so happy I skipped town for a few days, because basically we have some potential swamp ass on the horizon.

Although the term “swamp ass” is associated with gamers (something I just learned!), it also is something that, in extreme heat, we probably all have experienced at one point or another. You’re sitting somewhere and it’s pretty damn close to 100 degrees, with the humidity at some ridiculous percentage level and your shins are actually sweating, something you didn’t even know was possible, as well as the rest of your body. No matter how much you hydrate or run from the sun, excessive sweating in this heat is inevitable. You can feel the sweat pooling in your lower back, dripping from under your bra strap, slithering from your brow, and thanks to the backs of your knees, down your legs, too. By the time you go to stand to either hit up the loo, say hello to a friend, or order another drink, you realize you’re in the land of the swamp ass. Not cool.

I first heard the term when my friend Ali used it one day after we’d been baking in the sun on Pearl Street in Boulder the summer after college graduation. I remember thinking that she was absolutely brilliant for “coming up” with it, and I immediately injected it into my summer vocabulary. I honestly thought that she had invented it until I was at SXSW a couple years ago and ran into some girls in a bar bathroom who doused themselves with powder all while complaining about the “fucking Austin swamp ass.” Apparently, my friend Ali wasn’t exactly the genius I thought she was; swamp ass was an international term. I had truly thought I had brought it back east when I left Colorado, finally offering something to the world of language, but that was not at all the case. It was a sad day for me.

The puncturing of my ego aside, what it comes down to is that swamp ass is a real thing that can happen to a lot of innocent people who are just trying to enjoy their life. When the temperatures rise and there’s no air conditioning in sight, it can be a tough thing to handle. I’m not suggesting you can avoid it entirely, but you can at least try to limit the swampiness of your lower body and the wet splotches you could be leaving behind all over town by implementing some of the following things into your swamp ass preparation routine.

 

Photo: Someecards

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