waxing hurts like a mofo

According to a survey of 2,000 women, most of us are not only physically disgusting repugnant beasts, but we also love to deceive men about it. The average woman keeps several parts of her beauty routine totally secret from her romantic partners.

“Researches found women hate the thought of their other half knowing their beauty secrets,” says the Daily Mail. “As a result, procedures such as hair removal from toes, chin, body, and bikini line remain hidden.” Hmm! I wonder if that has anything to do with the way our culture drills into our minds that we have to be effortlessly flawless!

The survey results show that women lie most about 1) shaving their toes, followed by 2) plucking hair from their chins or faces, 3) removing body hair from “odd” places, 4) waxing or bleaching mustaches, 5) removing hard skin from feet, 6) wearing shapewear, 7) plucking their eyebrows, and finally, 8) waxing or shaving their bikini lines.

Among other things, this Mail article is extremely committed to being depressing as hell:

A third of women think their partner would be absolutely mortified if he knew the true extent of what took place behind the bathroom door for half an hour every day. A fifth of women say it doesn’t matter how comfortable they get with a partner, they will never ever let him know how much effort goes into looking good.

It looks like I totally fail when it comes to keeping the mystery alive and maintaining the mystique, because I’m pretty sure everyone I’ve ever dated has heard my monologue about how Spanx always cut off my circulation. Also, leave my Lebanese mustache/eyebrows to their own devices for longer than 7 hours and they’ll grow big enough to form a militia and overthrow me. It’s hard to keep that under wraps.

I’m all for discretion and ladylikeness if that’s your style, but it’s pretty exhausting to spend an hour plucking and waxing every week just to pretend you popped out of the womb looking faultless. I vote that we all start shaving our toes directly in front of our boyfriends. I vote that we all start shaving our toes on dates.

Via Daily Mail / Photo: Shutterstock