lucille bluth

Why do people keep making face cream out of diamonds? Why is this all we do now? And, more importantly, why are 4,000 women on the waiting list for a diamond cream? Honestly. I am pretty sure it will not be that life changing.

According to The Daily Mail:

The principle was proven this month when it was revealed 4,000 women had joined a waiting list for a £90 serum which contains rare black diamonds.

Beauty Lab claims Black Diamond Energizing Serum can boost collagen and improve skin tone. In trials on 1,000 women, it was said to reduce fine lines and wrinkles by 65 per cent in 28 days.


Since there seems to be such demand for face cream with weird stuff in it, I’ve been thinking about other sort of stupid things we could put in face cream. Namely:

  • Tiny ponies
  • Rubies
  • Emeralds
  • Pearls
  • Black pearls
  • Really large pearls
  • Pearl the size of a bowling ball
  • Rocks
  • Moon rocks
  • A mother’s love
  • Virtuous women (worth a price above rubies)
  • The entire inventory of Bergdorf Goodman
  • Actual lotion things that are good for you skin
  • Aloe vera, maybe, that seems like a lotion thing
  • Gold
  • Gold dust
  • Gold nuggets
  • Tiny archaic coins made out wood
  • Titanium
  • The teeth of an infant
  • PCP
  • Human tears
  • Animal tears
  • Tears of a very wealthy human or animal
  • Blood from the rarest of unicorns
  • Blood from a horse with a cardboard horn on its head that we can advertise as a unicorn effectively enough
  • Shredded up Alexander McQueen dresses
  • The secret thing you most desire

Picture via Arrested Development