woman applying makeup at work

She must work in one of those Silicone Valley startup offices where furniture is merely a suggestion!

Yesterday, HuffPost Style spoke with Lauren A. Rothman, author of“Style Bible: What to Wear to Work” about grooming guidelines for the office. While Rothman acknowledges that no list of rules is “one size fits all” (because offices are different and all), she still offers these tips as “basic guidelines that women in traditional workplaces should be following.”

Naturally, as ladies who work, we were curious to see which of these 12 Grooming Rules All Working Women Should Know were relevant to us. We were surprised to find, however, that some of them were just plain old life rules–“go easy on the perfume” and “moisturize! moisturize! moisturize!”–and some of them were… not really true? Especially the ones presented as the most set in stone–“Mascara is a must” and, on the subject of leg shaving: “If you wear something that reveals your legs, then you must shave your legs.”

Certainly, as slovenly bloggers, we Gloss editors can get away with a lot–but we figured we’d come up with a more reasonable/less gendered list ourselves.

1. Shower frequently. It’s best for everyone (including you) if no one can smell you.

2. Alternatively, sometimes you have shit to do. Shit that’s more important than showering. Invest in some dry shampoo or wear a hat.

3. Get lots of sleep. As socially acceptable as it is to blurt out, “I haven’t had my coffee yet” after every time you say something stupid, it’s probably better to just get more than five or six hours of sleep.

4. Drink water. That seems to be good for people.

5. Shave or don’t. What you do with your body hair is your own fucking business.

6. Wear makeup. Or don’t. Seriously, you don’t have to. If you don’t, though, just be aware you run the risk of co-workers telling you with a concerned expression that you look tired. This has nothing to do with you or your face and everything to do with your co-workers being slow learners who don’t realize you shouldn’t say shit like that to people. It’s on them.

7. Grow out your leg hair and make little braids in it. Or don’t. We don’t care.

8. Clean clothes! Those are good. Wear some of those.

9. Bring one of those sticky hands to throw at the wall. Everybody loves sticky hands!

10. Wash your face? You do that anyway, right? Well, don’t start on account of us.

11. Avoid wedges because randomly polled men hate them

11. Wear comfortable shoes. Or uncomfortable ones, if you like those better. This is your life and you can have blisters if you want.

12. Bring snacks!

On a final note, office grooming is a rather polarizing issue! Every time we’ve ever covered for-work beauty and/or attire, we get a million comments from people who’ve internalized their own insecurities and declare sternly, “In my office, you’d be terminated immediately if you didn’t wear mascara” or “At my firm, women who don’t pluck their eyebrows are strung up by their toenails and left to hang in the boardroom so everyone must bear witness to their agony.” We hope you enjoy writing them as much as we enjoy reading them! And believing them!

(Photo via Shutterstock)