Okay, Applebees wants you to not be online, I guess? Because when you are offline you immediately go to Applebees. Unfortunately, the woman they have got who wants to go to Applebees with you seems like the most terrifying caricature of Blanche Devereaux in the entire world. Which is interesting since Blanche Devereaux was, herself, something of a caricature. Anyhow. This lady, let’s call her Hanche (like Blanche but horrible), is going to force you to sit there and listen to her talk about the time she had sex with a bullfighter for over an hour. Your conversation with Hanche – she will call it a “convo” is going to be incredibly uncomfortable, and basically remind you why you pray for rain on Sundays so you can just sit at home, undisturbed, reading your Twitter timeline. Never go outside. Never go outside again – Buzzfeed