Weight loss theories are pretty bogus. There are tongue patches that help you lose weight. Pills. Unsavory liquid diets. Pretty much these days, it’s as if looking at the sun will help you lose weight. But wait! A new study says that too much light will make you gain weight. No wonder I’ve never seen a fat vampire!

The study looked at how bedroom light affects weight gain in mice (we’ll address that later). There were two groups of mice and while both consumed the same amount of calories in a day, the group that experienced more light in their bedrooms at night (equivalent to a TV turned on or bedside lamp) gained more weight than the group that slept in the dark.

So now that we’ve wrapped up the logistics of the actual study, let’s talk about why this shouldn’t have been published or even studied at all. First of all, there’s a whole lot of you out there who will read about this and frantically make sure you turn off all the lights in your home after 7 p.m. (just like those of you who stop eating after 7 p.m.) thinking it’s making you fatter. Please don’t do that. If anything, you’ll grow fangs and your skin will become incredibly pale and you’ll start craving human blood. Unless you actually want to participate in vampire activities, becoming more conscious about how much light infests your home at night is the least of your weight worries. I think what the researchers are trying to prove (I think) is that lights being left on at night can hinder your ability to sleep and therefore you’re more susceptible to staying awake and snacking on late night munchies that are delicious, but probably aren’t healthy for you. But the whole light factor seems a little far off. Just a little.

Also, the study was conducted on mice. So is most human research, I understand that. But how is mice weight gain/loss equivalent to that of humans? They didn’t tell us that now, did they? (But if you’re a scientist and you’re reading this, feel free to explain that to me in the comments section. I try and learn something new every day.) Really, the choice for you to believe that this study relates to humans is yours. As for me, I’ll be keeping the TV on or be reading until I fall asleep. And if that makes me gain weight, then someone better tell network television to move prime time to a few hours earlier.