blonde-vs-brunette

Bummer fact: only the top half of this woman’s hair was able to marry her fiance.

When it comes to the age-old non-battle of blonde vs brunette hair, history has been pretty clear on the matter. Everybody knows that gentlemen prefer — HOLY CRAP, GUYS. Hold. The. iPhones. Apparently, men primarily want to marry brunettes, according to some ridiculous survey that shouldn’t really exist. Brunettes of the world, rise! Dance! Your time has come!

NOT YOU, JAY.

According to Telegraph, a survey by UK beauty and health retailed Superdrug says that men prefer to marry brunettes. The company asked 1,000 men their opinions on the matter of which hair color they would prefer to marry; 54% said brunette, 16% preferred blondes (gentlemen, obvs) and the remaining 30% didn’t have a preference because having marriageability assumptions based on hair color is ridiculous.

By “marriageability assumptions,” by the way, I mean that the 54% who chose brown-haired ladies as their futures wifeys believed that the following things were more true for brunettes than other hair colors. Brunettes:

  • take better hair of their appearance.
  • make better cooks.
  • are more sexually experimental.
  • can keep the house cleaner.
  • can handle money better.
  • are “deeper” and “more sensible.”

As we all know, women with other hair colors spontaneously combust when attempting to have conversations that are not about the mall, so the survey’s results make perfect sense when it comes to men’s inherently superior personality traits that allow them to delicately analyze and predetermine women’s values based on hair hue.

“Men obviously have their opinions about the colour of women’s hair,” said a spokesperson for Superdrug. Well, yeah: stupid opinions. Stupid, presumptuous, completely outdated opinions.

Also, a side note: listen, douchebag pseudo-scientists, there are lots and lots of men who have hair. A great deal of it is brown, some of it is blonde, some of it is gray or white or purple in a mohawk. Sometimes, there is none at all! So, why don’t you start surveying women on which hair colors they’d prefer to marry rather than pitting blonde vs brunette females like we’re all the third wheel for each pairing of Noah’s arc? Or, better yet, stop doing ridiculous surveys about appearances and marriageability. That would also be cool.

[via Jezebel]

Photo: …love Maegan / Flickr