If you’ve ever believed in the goodness of humanity, here’s something that ought to change your thinking: once upon a time, someone (a man named Brian Sloan who hopefully doesn’t have a girlfriend, mother or sister) decided to purchase the domain VaginaContest.com, sponsored by something called AutoBlow, an oral sex robot. You’re thinking, wait, what? So are we. Apparently, all vaginas are welcome to enter this “Vagina Beauty Contest,” so get your orifice ready for a glam showdown of epic fucked up proportions.
Not to tout the contest in any way (no links! no links!), the winner takes $5000. 2nd place takes $2,500 and third earns $1,250 for their vaginal aesthetic. Options include submit one’s vagina to the content or perusing and voting on said vaginas. Because this is a thing humans want to do. To show just how on-point this evil mastermind is, VaginaContest.com will use state-of-the-art “3D Scanning” to replicate the winning vaginas.
The goal beyond being utterly creepy and sexist? To create a “super realistic vagina sleeves” that simulate sex for men. It also might be named TwatBot (points for hilarity, although whoever owns one should feel very, very sad late at night by themselves). Because there is nothing better than fucking a fake vagina.
I’m honestly not surprised by this contest, since humans have proven sick and twisted in their various ways, whether it be by somehow still thinking child pageantry is an okay venture or not thinking someone Japanese enough to be beautiful. However, there’s more than a little something objectifying about this idea. While, yes, the sex toy and porn industries are ripe with money and interest, the idea of finding a vagina to be the most beautiful is just ridiculous. It’s also a way to accumulate a bunch of vagina pictures.
I can’t bring myself to share Sloan’s video, but I will say that he uses deli meats to replicate the look and feel of a real, true vagina.