I want to begin this by saying I loved her in An Education. Loved her. What a good movie, right? How perfect to case an ingenue in that role who seemed ordinary enough to be relatable, but also pretty enough that you could see how this man would want her, and just really smart. I loved it. I have it on DVD. She’s great in it.

I’ve just never particularly cared for her in anything else.

Look, I let the vague disappointment that was Never Let Me Go, go, despite it being one of my favorite books. It’s hard to capture the whole liberal arts clones in love thing (read the whole thing, here!)  I figured that maybe Carey was told to act somewhat wooden, and that perhaps my complaining about a clone not seeming emotional enough put me in the same camp as the people who read reviews of “My Lobotomy” and comment on how it’s kind of toneless.  

But then there was Wall St. 2. Have I mentioned the extent to which I love the original Wall St? How Gordon Gekko was pretty much my first childhood crush? How funny and smart the quippy dialogue was? Carey Mulligan’s role in the sequel seemed to be “play a blogger” and “be pissed off about everything, especially the existence of money and getting a big diamond ring from the protagonist who loves you.” (Spoiler: in the end, forgive everyone if they make a hundred million dollars).

And frankly, perhaps this is unfair, but I might have been able to buy the character’s entire role in the film if she had been played by a mega-babe. If Megan Fox (or whoever the new Megan Fox is, they only get two years, the Megan Foxes of the world) had been playing a role where she spat at her fiance about how disgusted she was that he got her a really nice engagement ring, and how she hated this world, just hated it, and was going to jump out of the car right now, I might just shrug my shoulder and say “Oh. Right. She’s the kind of girl men will temporarily love for pulling those shenanagins for a brief period in her 20’s. Because she is super hot.”

But Carey Mulligan is not super-hot. She is a very pretty looking girl who is pretty the way you and your friends are pretty. That’s what makes her really lovely and easy to relate to  in An Education. That also makes her really impossible to believe in during movies like Wall St. where you have the nagging suspicion that –  unless she were the babeliest babe who ever babed – when she started shrieking like a harpy at her good looking, 20-something, millionaire hedge-fund boyfriend he might have started evaluating what else was on the market.

You know who else is a bit like that? Daisy Buchanan, who Carey has been cast to play in the upcoming Great Gatsby (it will be in 3D which will be so effective in the scene where Gatsby throws ninja stars). Daisy is delicate, and witty, and a product of her time, and very, very beautiful and she is also a real asshole. Like, really. She’s horrible. Fitzgerald takes every opportunity to note that Daisy and her husband Tom (who I think we all agree is an asshole) are in the same camp, by which he means “the rich people camp for mega-assholes.” We sort of don’t see this ourselves because Daisy is supposed to be so damn beautiful and Gatsby loves her so much that as readers you only shrug and say “okay, old sport, we’ll trust you on this one.” Bad choices! Bad choices!

I can’t help but feel like the same problems I had in that regard with Wall St. 2 will just repeat themselves.

And now that Joan Collin noted that she’s starring in a remake of My Fair Lady? As though she’s somehow… on par wih Audrey Hepburn? No. No. Cannot handle it.

CAN HANDLE NO MORE.

So I guess it’s not fair to say I hate her so much as she’s being dreadfully miscast lately. Fair?