champagne diet

So, for incredibly reasonable reasons I was too terrified to actually go on a crash crash diet to lose weight before the holidays. But there’s this new plan out there called the Champagne diet that doesn’t restrict foods or force you to only eat cabbage soup. Instead it’s about eating better quality foods (opting for leafy greens rather than hamburgers, all of which should total around 1,200 to 1,400 calories a day). The calorie counting part can be a little bit problematic, but then, at least you get to eat what you want rather than constraining yourself to diet rice cakes or cabbage soup. And you get two glasses of champagne a day to keep it fun! Here’s how the first day went:

9:00 – I had a 300 calorie yogurt parfait with blueberries and strawberries. I’m trying to keep to the idea of opting for “classier” food as the champagne diet suggests rather than eating the granola bar I typically have in the morning.

11:00 – Pretty amazed I’m not hungry again, because I typically am by this point. Making a mental note to eat a real breakfast more often.

12:30 – Salad with chicken, corn, bits of feta cheese. I’m not sure if they feta is okay, but it is delicious. 600 calories.

5:00 – Hungry again. Eat a classy banana. 100 calories.

5:30 – And a classy hershey’s kiss. It was out on the desk. It hardly feels like it counts. 50 calories maybe? My calorie allotment is almost gone.

7:30 – At a screening for Newlyweds where they’ve laid out adorable Christmas cookies. Such cute Christmas cookies. With little sprinkles all over them. They also give us individualized bags of gourmet popcorn. And they have some of those sandwich cookies with peanut butter in the middle. And cheese and crackers and…fruit. Which is a lot less fun. They don’t have any champagne, but I get a glass of white wine which I imagine is approximately the same thing. 100 calories.

8:00 – The gourmet popcorn is taunting me, really relating to that lady in Requiem for a Dream.

8:15 – Taunting.

8:30 – I eat five grapes and three cheese cubes. Let’s say 100 calories, maybe?

9:30 – I take the gourmet popcorn home, in the hopes that it will still be good next week, but resist the temptation to scoop up bags of popcorn from seats where people did not show up (this is what I call restraint).

9:50: I’m starving. I’m pretty sure that I’ve met my calorie goal for the day, but I make a bowl of light calorie soup anyway. 100 calories.

10:00-12:00: Pretty consistently wonder why gourmet popcorn doesn’t qualify as “classy” while watching re-runs of 30 Rock. Also wonder how Liz Lemon’s character eats so much but gains no weight, a topic Tina Fey discussed in her biography, so I feel unoriginal for wondering about that.

12:00: Realize I never drank champagne. Drink a glass of champagne which is supposed to have 90 calories. Is as fun as I thought it would be.

12:15: Exhausted. Asleep now.

Overall: Not bad! All the advice is pretty straightforward – though the fact that I approximate calories is kind of frustrating. As is the fact that champagne is not available absolutely everywhere.