First of all I should apologize for not having kept up with Courteney Cox’s career. I realize she’s in a show called Cougar Town, but since I don’t have cable and I find the name pretty annoying, I’ve never even tried to figure out on which channel I can watch it. Although Friends has been over for years, it’s when clicking past a rerun Friends episode that I get my Courteney Cox fill. This “fill” is always short and sweet, because of Ross Geller, I could never get into the show.

Last night, thanks to the wretched humidity, I stayed up into the wee of the morning. On top of being subjected to Carson Daly and Nicole Kidman‘s attempt at playing Martha Gellhorn, I caught Cox on Jimmy Fallon. Oh. Wow. I imagine if I had been watching her all these years since Friends I wouldn’t have had the reaction I did, but I was completely shocked by what this beautiful woman had done to her face. I was even more confused as to why she went this route after I looked up her age and found out that she’s only 48 years old.

The person I saw before me last night didn’t have a single wrinkle on her face and when she smiled it looked almost strained as her lips tried to spread open to reveal some level of happiness or glee. I found myself yelling at the television, begging for answers from an electronic item that refused to talk back to me! Why do women (and men) keep insisting upon doing this to themselves? When did laugh lines become the badge of something vile and unable to be stomached, instead of proof that you’ve laughed more than you cried in your life? Yeah, these people are in Hollywood and there’s always a young starlet lined up to take their place, but what happened to self-acceptance?

As I was yelling all of this, I realized I was a fucking hypocrite. I, the one who’s always wanted a nose job, have every intention of getting Botox before the calendar year is out and would love to have my breasts lifted before they reach my bellybutton by the time I’m 50 — yes, I was condemning an actress for doing something that I wished I could do. So I stopped. I breathed. I became a bit sad for Ms. Cox and others who have altered their appearance so as to look younger because of both society and Hollywood, and made myself a promise.

I will never, ever be getting plastic surgery of any kind.

I don’t care what time and gravity do to my face or the rest of my body, as long as it’s not out of necessity for health reasons, I will never go under the knife. I’d rather have a face full of wrinkles than an upper lip that can no longer smile or laugh at a proper joke. Laughing should hurt and hurt like hell in your gut if you give it your all, it shouldn’t make your lips quiver in pain because they can no longer keep up hardcore giggle fits. I won’t even get into how necessary it is to have a forehead that moves for the sake of scowling.

Anyone want to get in on this pact with me?

Here’s a still from Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and click here to see a clip of the interview:


Photo: Joseph Marzullo/