My crash diet story is a little gross and it was awful. When I was about 21-22, I was desperate to lose weight. I was just out of my first long term relationship and wanted to be all pretty and thin. I was seeing ads all over the place for Metabolife – the all natural dietary supplement! This was 2001, I think. I ordered a bunch of it and started taking it per the instructions on the bottle.

Holy crap – this stuff was toxic!

I learned really fast that “all natural” doesn’t mean “good for you”. I did all right for a few days but was getting dizzy and cotton mouth from lack of food. But I wasn’t hungry and I had gone down a pants size. But then I started um… bleeding when I poop.

It was shocking, but it wasn’t painful.

And I was still losing weight, so I ignored it the first time. But then it happened again. And again. But still no pain, and damn I looked good. But then my two roommates staged an intervention and took me to the ER. I uh… had a medical flashlight crammed up my butt. Turns out the all natural ingredients in the Metabolife were shredding my intestines. If I didn’t stop taking it, I was going to need surgery. I was sufficiently scared enough to stop taking it no matter how good I was looking.

I regained my appetite and hadn’t realized until then just how much I missed it. I gained all my weight back and then some. But I was glad I wasn’t seriously messed up or dead. A little sad that I was all fat again… but you know, I was an insecure early 20 something. I’m 32 now, bigger than I was before the Metabolife, and I’ve realized that while being healthy is important, it’s okay to really like food. The end.