Here is my stupid crash diet story:

I’ve struggled with weight my whole life, and after many failed dieting attempts, I decided to try a diet pill, or “weight loss supplement” as the evil marketing people call it, because I had seen ads for it and thought it would be a quick-fix solution. I bought a box of HydroxyCut and followed the directions to a tee, and here’s what happened.

At first, it made me go to the bathroom a LOT. I’m talking peeing six times an hour and pooping at least twice an hour. They call this the “flush” part of the pill, because apparently it was ridding my system of toxins. What they did not say was that it can cause “seepage” for the first couple of days, which means that excess oil in my system was coming out the rear and I had no control over it. So basically, for the first two days I was incontinent and had to wear a menstrual pad at all times.

After the first two days, I started to feel a bit better, but was constantly thirsty, because the pill decreases the liquid in your tissues (hence the constant peeing). For the next couple of days, I was fine; taking the HydroxyCut regularly and eating healthy. Then, I started to have weird cravings. I ignored them at first, but all of a sudden one night I was ravenously hungry for a bagel with veggie cream cheese and hot sauce. It might not sound weird, but that isn’t something I’d ever eaten or craved before, and suddenly it was all I wanted.

After a week, the real fun began: I had dizzy spells, constant severe stomach cramps, and headaches, which caused me to miss work and school.The last day I took the HydroxyCut, I had what can only be described as violent vomiting and diarrhea and a high fever. That afternoon, I was napping on the couch, and rolled over to find 4 or 5 cats in my livingroom, which was strange seeing as I had no cats at the time. That’s right, HydroxyCut made me hallucinate cats in my livingroom. After that, I threw the box away and have never even considered diet pills again. It was an awful experience and I would caution anyone considering “weight loss supplements,” because:

1) They rarely work

2) They might be really, really bad for you. Hallucinating cats bad for you.