Once upon a time, 16-year-old Sam bleached her own hair all the way to platinum blonde. Because I had done it myself, I turned out over-easy egg yellow for a while, and it was horribly damaged. I because sad at how it looked but couldn’t dye it further, so I thought, Hey! Why don’t I just change up the cut? So I did. I cut my own bangs. And holy crap, they looked awful. I can’t find a photo, possibly because I burned them all, but it was like a drunk frat guy had taken a dull hunting knife to my bangs.
This, by the way, is only one bang mistake I’ve made (and only one type of bang mistake, hyuck). There are plenty of others that the majority of us non-gifted/non-Zooey Deschanel humans have made, so let’s commiserate.
1. Cutting your bangs yourself.
Okay, it is possible to do this on your own without everything ending in a disaster! But you need to be utilizing tutorials and proper tools, not…
2. Using regular scissors.
I wish I could say I were under the age of 10 when I used generic paper scissors on my own bangs, but that would be a lie. I thought I was cool in a pierce-my-belly-button-with-a-safety-pin kind of way (which I did at 13, because I saw Thirteen), but in actuality, there was no possible way that could have ended well. Do not do this! You will be sad with the results.
3. Cutting them unevenly.
This is something that looks cool on celebrities and runways, not so cool on a teenager with frizzy hair. I once actually asked to get jagged bangs and I looked like the “before” photo of a makeover ad.
4. Chopping them entirely off as a child because you don’t understand how hair works.
Tired of your bangs? Chop them all off, that’ll teach ’em to grow! Except they do grow, but horrifyingly, like Vincent Kartheiser‘s forcibly receded hairline in Mad Men.
5. Getting bangs right before summer.
Oh, these will look so cute with all my vintage pinup-style bathing suits! says April you. And then sweaty June you is constantly fussing with them, pinning them back because it’s hot as balls outside, and having them stick to your forehead.
6. Gelling your bangs.
Was my middle school the only one where girls did this nonstop? Now, for more hair horrors…
7. Getting bangs and then realizing they don’t remotely work with your face.
Some people look amazing with short Betty Page bangs, some people look hilarious. Hair takes some experimentation, but that means many experiments end with disappointment and/or hats for three months.
8. Blowing them out into a frizzy mess.
Why can the salon do this so well and none of us seem remotely capable of making anything but Screech hair?
9. Literally blowing them like an 80s valley girl.
So over this, or whatever.
10. Only cutting a few pieces.
And then you realize that, no, that’s not a good look for anybody.
11. Getting the same bangs as your best friend.
Oh yeah, you and your BFF–while very close–are not the same person and the haircut she got looks totally different on you. A rift grows. You distance yourself, unwilling to admit your bang’d up defeat. Or you just grow out your hair and photoshop every photo from that time period so you have Victoria’s Secret model hair.
12. Getting bangs with curly hair and over-straightening them so they look fake.
I’m 100% on of those wavy-haired jerks who’s always like “omg I wish I had curly hair” to all my curly-haired friends, and they’re like “shut up, I’ve used my diffuser more times today that you’ve breathed today.” But one thing I do not envy: getting bangs with curly hair. It sounds super stressful and needs a whole lot of attention, product, and technique.
Do you have any bang struggles you’ve endured? Tell us in the comments!