weight loss tapeworm

We apologize to the patients undergoing tongue patch surgery to lose weight. We used to think that was the worst dieting idea ever. We were wrong.

According to Shanghaiist, sellers on Taobao have been doing a brisk business in the sale of parasitic weight loss tapeworms to help women lose weight, because some people appear to think that is a good idea. Doctors in Shanghai have advised customers to not intentionally infect themselves with parasites, because it is a terrible, terrible fucking idea to eat a parasitic worm to lose weight.

You might not have to swallow the wriggly thing like a loser on Fear Factor, because some ingenious sellers have started packing the worms into pill capsules. A capsule full of roundworm eggs cost between 300 yuan ($48.39) and 500 yuan ($82), while live, adult worms sell for around $200.

It might look like a pill, but it is seriously a live parasitic gut worm. If your dog got one, you would freak out and cry and take it to the vet, which should be really high up there on the list of signs that something does not make a good diet trick. (Also, we are told that once infected you will poop worm bits, which should horrify anybody.)

The worms will theoretically live in your stomach and eat your food, which leads to weight loss. Also there would be a really long worm wriggling around in your intestines, we cannot stress that enough.

Even if the worm could reliably make you thinner, eating tapeworms is not even remotely safe. According to Dr. Liu Shanju, director of the digestive department at Shanghai No. 10 People’s Hospital, the worms could move into the liver, brain, eyes and other organs.

In summary: Jesus fucking Christ, do not ingest brain-eating tapeworms to lose weight!

Via Shanghaiist/Photo: Wikimedia Commons