I still remember sitting in my high school cafeteria and hearing some girl – you know the kind of girl – remark on how ballet slipper pink nail polish was the only acceptable shade of nail polish. “It’s the only thing I’d ever wear” she told her friend and then she paused for a second and remarked “because everything else is tacky.” Well, that explained it! Her friend kind of nodded. And then someone else said that she only painted her nails red and only on  special occasions, and she had a special shade she used. I don’t remember what. Jungle red, probably.

Then I looked away and continued biting my nails while reading Bartleby the Scrivener or something, idly spitting nail shavings in the general direction of that well manicured table.

That was a while ago, and I still bite my nails off every time I’m stressed. Which is every single day. So I prefer not to have a manicure and endure questions from the manicurist about why I bite my nails. Honestly, I keep hoping someone will bring kid gloves back because it’s my only shot at getting something to stop me from gnawing fitfully on my hands.


If I were to ever stop trying to ingest my own strength via eating my nails, I’m totally going to rock a signature nail polish shade. I’m thinking any of those green shades that make people look like a dying alien. But I am open to suggestions. Do you have a shade?