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You can’t really deny that Drew Barrymore is an adorable human being. She’s usually smiling her goofball smile, she’s never afraid to make bold fashion choices, and she says more sensible things about body image than most other celebrities combined. She’s earned my respect so many times that I feel like I can make fun of her today… in a sisterly way.

With that in mind, her recent interview with Elle contains some batshit beauty tips. Ready for this?

I can find any way to do a face of makeup if I have no makeup on. I’d like find berries at a bodega and crush them on my cheeks, I’d run into a restaurant and ask if they had any spare wine corks and then burn the ends and make a kohl eye. Really, has nobody ever burned wine corks at a party and drawn on your face? Like I’d know what to do even if I was stuck out in nature. But I still can’t figure out how to make that perfect concealer on the run.

So many thoughts running through my mind. For starters, wouldn’t it be great to be so rich that you could waste berries by crushing them on your face? I haven’t tasted a raspberry since I lived with my parents. Second of all, how in the world is running into a restaurant and asking someone to dig up their old wine corks at all faster than stopping by CVS and buying an actual eyeliner? Third of all, rubbing burnt cork on your eyes might be quirky, but it’s also not a good idea. Why would you risk causing damage to a super delicate part of your body when there are thousands of products readily available at the drug store that don’t involve drinking a whole bottle of wine and then jabbing yourself in the face with fire? I’m pretty sure people did this stuff in the Middle Ages. And they all died.

I’m not sure why I’m surprised to hear that someone who’s been famous for three decades– and incredibly rich from birth– doesn’t have a firm grasp on certain aspects of reality, but whatever. If you want to color on your face with burnt cork, have at it. I’ll just be over here, purchasing eyeliners and blushes like a boring person who doesn’t want to infect anything on her face.

Via Elle / Photo: Getty images