Wrinkles, beware! There’s a new beauty product on the scene, and it promises to tone up your sagging face conveniently in the privacy of your own home. Which is good, because you probably wouldn’t want anyone to see what you look like while you are using it.
Invented by beauty treatment company No!No! (a name which makes me picture a terrified woman besieged on all sides by giant, scary signs of aging), the Face Trainer is a space helmet-like balaclava that is supposed to provide resistance training to the muscles in your face. Those desiring a more youthful appearance can wear this contraption while performing various exercises which I have nicknamed “the deranged secret” (above), “the uncomfortable blow job” (remove the finger), “the spit or swallow?” and “the autoerotic asphyxiation”:
Basically, all the exercises look like something you’d see in an extremely awkward porno designed to appeal to skiing and/or astronaut fetishists.
Those unafraid of silly-looking exercises might just be rewarded with faces resembling baby angels, as the produced performed well enough in clinical trials to be approved by the FDA. According to The Daily Mail, “71% of users saw an reduction in sagging while 91% of participants said they would recommend the product to a friend.” I guess 20% of the participants just wanted to secretly film their friends looking crazy.
The Face Trainer is FDA approved and can be yours for a mere $199 plus shipping and handling. In other news, it seems like you could probably get the same results from simply buying a ski mask that’s a size too small.
(Via The Daily Mail)