be an addicts cure

UPDATE: A woman pictured contacted us to let us know that she did not provide permission for her picture to be used in these ads. We are trying to get more information on this.

My Facebook sponsored posts section seems dedicated to 1) telling me my peripheral acquaintances love Pretzel Crisps and 2) convincing me to be “an addict’s cure!” But why would I want to do that when drug addiction looks so unbelievably glamorous and involves such terrific hair dye?

Here are some of the women pictured in the “Be An Addicts Cure” ads:

addicts cure

It’s cool how drug addiction makes you look like Milla Jovovich in The 5th Element.

I always see these ads and think that it’s pretty impressive the way these people are taking time away from presumably shooting heroin into their eyeballs to make sure that their roots are perfectly maintained. Now, admittedly, they don’t say what addiction you’ll be curing – it could be an addiction to “perfectly applying make-up” or “being luminous.” “Being luminous and having a commitment to eating well and physical fitness”, maybe.

But if it’s not that, it’s so weird, because all this time, I thought that addicts looked like addicts, and not like super-humanly beautiful aliens from the future. I actually thought they looked like this. What a fool I was.

Look, that is not to say that very, very, very beautiful people do not become drug addicts. They do. But it does seem that maybe the people you want as substance abuse counselors are not the people lured in by the promise of  supermodel-beautiful, presumably vulnerable women.

A friend of mine responded to the Addict’s Cure ads by remarking, “now, this looks like the type of girl I would eventually like to marry, so I don’t think I’m fully qualified.” I don’t think I’m fully qualified either because my cure session is going to involve me sitting in front of her saying things like “so how do you make your hair rainbow? Can you help me make mine rainbow?”

The alternate explanation, as one friend pointed out is that once you cure these people, they will be like beautiful space aliens that you molded out of pathetic clay. “Like you’re Pygmalion, and they are Galatea, and then you can marry them” my friend noted. This actually makes more sense, but I guess Build-A-Wife strikes me a scary project! A scary project because it puts an awful lot of responsibility on you, and an insane amount of responsibility on whoever you are counseling. Will you be responsible for making sure their roots never show? Or will they? I don’t even know.

I get that showing really pretty woman with cool hair is eye-catching and draws your attention to the side of the page, but isn’t this… really, seriously, not getting the people who have the sense of virtue that you’d need for such a job? Wouldn’t it be better to show pictures of someone who is experiencing at least one of the symptoms associated with addiction (one of those symptoms is not “glowing skin” or “perfect hair”). If you’re won over because “I like the pictures of all the pretty ladies!” that seems like it should actually disqualify you from working with people who are at an extremely fragile point in their lives.

And in conclusion: do you think they’re just wearing wigs in the photos? It must take so much work to keep your hair that perfect.