There is something worrisome about being the type of person who’s fascinated by the ins and outs of waxing your lower bits as well as the type who gets easily embarrassed. I know, as I am this exact combination of human.
Here on The Gloss, we have discussed why pros think you should avoid going DIY with your bikini line, what it’s like to try that anyway, how your first Brazilian feels, and how to minimize the pain and stress of getting it done. OH, and I’ve revealed what style my own is in, as if I haven’t embarrassed myself enough on the Internet. Well, to share all that embarrassment with you folks as an actual job is an honor and a privilege, so let’s take it a step further and talk about all the awkward stuff that can and does happen to real people when they get Brazilian or bikini waxes done.
So without further ado, here are the worst things that have happened to myself and others whilst getting Brazilianized.
1. You cry.
This is actually pretty normal! Having your eyes water when your nether regions are getting hair ripped from its follicles is pretty standard.
2. You scream. Literally scream.
So, the last time I got a Brazilian, my then-boyfriend was waiting in the reception area. Another woman who had the appointment after me came and sat down next to him. They proceeded to listen to me cry, yelp and scream so much–and I was really trying to hold back, I promise you–that he had to calm that following client down and convince her not to leave. Whoops.
3. You kick the pro.
This is one that has never happened to me, thank goodness, but I know plenty of people who have experienced it. Sometimes your reflexes kick in and BAM–you’ve just earned yourself a one-way ticket out of there and into Shamesville. :(
4. You wind up knowing the waxer.
According to one of our friends: “After my best friend had her first Brazillian, she ended up running into her waxer at a party…and found out she was her hookup’s cousin.” SO, that’s
5. You have to spread your back end.
If you get a Brazilian, you will likely have to do this. And it’s pretty darn awkward. But as we learn in our next story, that isn’t always the case…
6. You, um, assess the situation incorrectly.
From one of our coworkers, “At the place I went to, every waxer had a different process and I didn’t have a person I went to as a rule, but most of them had you be face down for the…um…back part and have you hold open the cheeks. So one time I just did that to a lady, expecting her to want the same thing, and that is not what she wanted. So I basically babbooned her.”
For the record, when the above storyteller used the word “babbooned,” I lost my shit and could not stop laughing.
7. You pee differently after.
This by no means happens to everyone, but given that pubic hair helps steer the flow of urine, this does happen to some folks who have it done.
8. Eye contact.
I’m just saying, it’s always going to be weird to make eye contact with somebody who you barely know who’s yanking hair out of our pubic mons.
9. You give up halfway through.
This is embarrassing in a very specific, shameful way. You feel like you’ve retreated, you’ve waived a white flag, you’ve lost all your nerve and just run away like Joffrey in the first season of Game of Thrones. But guys, there’s no shame in knowing where to stop! Sometimes, you just can’t go any further because it sucks too much, and that is a-okay.
10. You spit out your gum.
…Like this guy.
11. You’re half-naked.
One of the most awkward things that I’ve never gotten used to is how you’re naked on the bottom but not on top. Like, I would never try to get full-on nude at a waxing salon, but there’s some really bizarre-feeling about taking off your pants, underwear and then letting a strange poke around down there but not ever removing so much as your jacket.
Have any of these awkward things happened to you? Has anything more humiliating happened to you? DO TELL. Because seriously, I’m blushing just looking back on everything I just wrote.