Worst Beauty at the 2014 Golden Globes

As we already know, the 71st Golden Globes were full of awful outfits, but its red carpet also held quite a bit of bad beauty. For some reason, a rather remarkable number of beige lips and overdone eyes descend upon the faces at every award show ever, so there was a whole lot of that. But on the bright side, we get to spend a whole post discussing why these were terrible choices! Okay? Okay.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: TV Personality Louise Roe (fashion detail) attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Louise Roe‘s false eyelashes were so heavy, she could barely keep her eyes open. And look, I realize that everybody thinks you have to pick between emphasizing your eyes or lips with makeup, but that (A) isn’t necessarily true provided you know how to balance them well and (B) doesn’t mean you have to mute out your lips if you opt to go dark with your eyes. This winds up looking more over-the-top.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: TV Personality Louise Roe (fashion detail) attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Not even her manicure in Sewage Water Beige matched her cutout. :(

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Zosia Mamet attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

I thought Zosia Mamet‘s dress was okay, but her makeup made her eyes look tiny and her mouth look nonexistent. Plus, and this is probably just me being really irritable, her smirk annoyed me.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Sarah Hyland attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

I loved Sarah Hyland‘s hair, but she wound up making the best and worst list by wearing this horribly heavy foundation and bizarrely pale eye makeup.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Sarah Hyland attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Plus, while her brows looked nice from farther away, they were practically painted on.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Hayden Panettiere attend the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images) BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Hayden Panettiere attends the Universal, NBC, Focus Features, E! sponsored by Chrysler viewing and after party at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Angela Weiss/Getty Images for NBCUniversal)

Hayden Panettiere‘s stylist just made so. Many. Bad choices. All in the course of one evening!

Sandra Bullock at the 2014 Golden Globes Sandra Bullock at the 2014 Golden Globes hair

Sandra Bullock‘s makeup was fine, but her hair was unbalanced; the too-sleek top and disheveled bottom just didn’t quite work.

71st Annual Golden Globe Awards - Arrivals

Elisabeth Moss. Girl, wash your hair. I’m not one to talk, but c’mon now.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Jessica Chastain attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

It’s nice to see Donald Trump has reinvented himself as Jessica Chastain‘s new hairstylist.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Gabourey Sidibe attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images) BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Gabourey Sidibe attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Gabourey Sidibe‘s hair was too boring and bridal (though perhaps that was because she wore an ivory dress).

Now, for everyone’s favorite annoying pop star…

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Singer Taylor Swift attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Taylor Swift would actually not be on here had she simply chosen a lip color that matched her dress. If the dress was red or the lipstick was deep magenta (or another coordinating shade), this would all be fine. But it wasn’t. And it looks terrible as a result (though her hair did look pleasant). As a side note, what was Taylor Swift doing at the Golden Globes?

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Jacqueline Bisset, winner of Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or Television Film for 'Dancing on the Edge,' poses in the press room during the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

I’m not even sure I can really put Jacqueline Bisset on here because when you’re three sheets to the wind, you don’t make very many awesome hair decisions.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Jacqueline Bisset, winner of Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or Television Film for 'Dancing on the Edge,' poses in the press room during the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Oh, Bissy. For a second I thought that was a 40 oz. in a paper bag.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Taylor Schilling attends the 2014 InStyle and Warner Bros. 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards Post-Party on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Orange is the new Taylor Schilling‘s skintone.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Laura Prepon attends The Weinstein Company & Netflix's 2014 Golden Globes After Party presented by Bombardier, FIJI Water, Lexus, Laura Mercier, Marie Claire and Yucaipa Films at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Ari Perilstein/Getty Images for The Weinstein Company)

And apparently Laura Prepon‘s, too.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actresses Taylor Schilling (L) and Laura Prepon attend The Weinstein Company & Netflix's 2014 Golden Globes After Party presented by Bombardier, FIJI Water, Lexus, Laura Mercier, Marie Claire and Yucaipa Films at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Ari Perilstein/Getty Images for The Weinstein Company)

Chill out on the St. Tropez ladies–that stuff is supposed to make you glow, not glow in the dark.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Amy Adams attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images) BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Amy Adams attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Amy Adams hair was too tight and severe for such a flowing, sexy dress. It felt sort of 90s and just didn’t work as an overall look.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Kaley Cuoco attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

I found myself actually liking Kaley Cuoco‘s dress for once, but I was disappointed with her harsh, overdone eye makeup and dramatically parted hair paired with such a pretty, ethereal gown.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Naomi Watts attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Naomi Watts monochromatic look was boring and made her look a little ill.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Jennifer Lawrence, winner of Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy for 'American Hustle,' poses in the press room during the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

I wasn’t into Jennifer Lawrence‘s harsh red lipstick, and her complexion felt washed out by a heavy dose of foundation.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Tina Fey attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Oh, Tina Fey, you know it pains me to put you on here, but this hair. It’s the kind of style your parents make you wear to a choir concert.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Julia Roberts (fashion detail) attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

Julia Roberts wore too much eyeshadow, which was a bummer because she has gorgeous eyes and this only detracts from them.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: Actress Julia Roberts (fashion detail) attends the 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards held at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

And something appears to be alive and angry somewhere inside of her hair.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - JANUARY 12: In this handout photo provided by NBCUniversal, Presenter Johnny Depp speaks onstage during the 71st Annual Golden Globe Award at The Beverly Hilton Hotel on January 12, 2014 in Beverly Hills, California. (Photo by Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images)

Johnny Depp appears to be getting hair pointers from Chris Kirkpatrick circa 1999.