As we already know, the 71st Golden Globes were full of awful outfits, but its red carpet also held quite a bit of bad beauty. For some reason, a rather remarkable number of beige lips and overdone eyes descend upon the faces at every award show ever, so there was a whole lot of that. But on the bright side, we get to spend a whole post discussing why these were terrible choices! Okay? Okay.
Louise Roe‘s false eyelashes were so heavy, she could barely keep her eyes open. And look, I realize that everybody thinks you have to pick between emphasizing your eyes or lips with makeup, but that (A) isn’t necessarily true provided you know how to balance them well and (B) doesn’t mean you have to mute out your lips if you opt to go dark with your eyes. This winds up looking more over-the-top.
Not even her manicure in Sewage Water Beige matched her cutout. :(
I thought Zosia Mamet‘s dress was okay, but her makeup made her eyes look tiny and her mouth look nonexistent. Plus, and this is probably just me being really irritable, her smirk annoyed me.
I loved Sarah Hyland‘s hair, but she wound up making the best and worst list by wearing this horribly heavy foundation and bizarrely pale eye makeup.
Plus, while her brows looked nice from farther away, they were practically painted on.
Hayden Panettiere‘s stylist just made so. Many. Bad choices. All in the course of one evening!
Sandra Bullock‘s makeup was fine, but her hair was unbalanced; the too-sleek top and disheveled bottom just didn’t quite work.
Elisabeth Moss. Girl, wash your hair. I’m not one to talk, but c’mon now.
It’s nice to see Donald Trump has reinvented himself as Jessica Chastain‘s new hairstylist.
Gabourey Sidibe‘s hair was too boring and bridal (though perhaps that was because she wore an ivory dress).
Now, for everyone’s favorite annoying pop star…
Taylor Swift would actually not be on here had she simply chosen a lip color that matched her dress. If the dress was red or the lipstick was deep magenta (or another coordinating shade), this would all be fine. But it wasn’t. And it looks terrible as a result (though her hair did look pleasant). As a side note, what was Taylor Swift doing at the Golden Globes?
I’m not even sure I can really put Jacqueline Bisset on here because when you’re three sheets to the wind, you don’t make very many awesome hair decisions.
Oh, Bissy. For a second I thought that was a 40 oz. in a paper bag.
Orange is the new Taylor Schilling‘s skintone.
And apparently Laura Prepon‘s, too.
Chill out on the St. Tropez ladies–that stuff is supposed to make you glow, not glow in the dark.
Amy Adams hair was too tight and severe for such a flowing, sexy dress. It felt sort of 90s and just didn’t work as an overall look.
I found myself actually liking Kaley Cuoco‘s dress for once, but I was disappointed with her harsh, overdone eye makeup and dramatically parted hair paired with such a pretty, ethereal gown.
Naomi Watts monochromatic look was boring and made her look a little ill.
I wasn’t into Jennifer Lawrence‘s harsh red lipstick, and her complexion felt washed out by a heavy dose of foundation.
Oh, Tina Fey, you know it pains me to put you on here, but this hair. It’s the kind of style your parents make you wear to a choir concert.
Julia Roberts wore too much eyeshadow, which was a bummer because she has gorgeous eyes and this only detracts from them.
And something appears to be alive and angry somewhere inside of her hair.
Johnny Depp appears to be getting hair pointers from Chris Kirkpatrick circa 1999.