Live Talks Los Angeles Presents An Evening With Chelsea Handler In Conversation With Gwyneth Paltrow

I’ve never met Gwyneth Paltrow, so I’m obviously not qualified to make any grand statements about who she is as a human being, but I’ve always been fascinated by the character she portrays to the world. She tries to present herself as down-to-earth in the same breath that she recommends that normal people spend $50 on olive oil. She tries to sound self-deprecating in the same interviews where she acts like she rolls out of bed looking flawless. She’s an expensive, beautiful, blonde enigma.

So what’s Goop up to today? Just giving makeup advice… and simultaneously admitting to knowing nothing about makeup. According to her recent interview with E!, Gwyneth’s daily beauty routine is “very minimal.” She tells the site,

After I drop my kids, I always exercise and then I take a shower and I basically just put on moisturizer—and that’s kind of it. If I have a meeting or something I’ll put on some mascara, but that’s as far as I go. I’ve been getting my makeup put on for me since I was 20 years old, so I never learned how to do it, and I’m really bad at it.

I mean, I don’t blame her for wanting people to know that she’s not always high-maintenance. It must be really weird to have people expecting you to always look like the well-lit, made-up, Photoshopped version of yourself that they see in magazines, and I can understand why she’d want a break from all the glamour in her everyday life. But her “I’m so normal!” claims would have seemed a lot more genuine if she hadn’t gone on to preach about the importance of using only the most expensive of beauty products:

I will rely and have relied on things in the past that aren’t 100 percent natural—like if you are going get lasers to get rid of sunspots, that’s not a natural product. So I always think a mix is good, but it’s very important that what you put on your skin is natural, because it’s so readily absorbed into your system and there are so many unregulated chemicals in our products—more so in America than any other country, and so I always try to look for natural or organic product.

Okay. I’ll start getting laser treatments and buying only chemical-free products right around the time that I start buying thousand-dollar coasters from your lifestyle website.

It’s hard to blame Gwyneth for being out of touch with reality– she herself references the fact that she’s had makeup artists available at her every turn for her whole adult life– but watching her attempt to seem like average Jane will never stop being amusing to me. I’d like her a lot more if she just came out and said, “Let’s cut the charade– I’m a millionaire, I’ve always been a millionaire, and I am nothing like you.” Am I alone in this?

Via E! / Photo: Getty images