The world would be a less interesting place if we didn’t have Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow‘s healthy lifestyle website. She is always sharing new innovations and interesting things on the website. While there are a lot useful tips, there are also things that leave you scratching your head. Remember the $300 jeans made out of paper, the gold wetsuit or that whole conscious uncoupling thing? There are times that is seems like the advice was only written for people who are named Gwyneth Paltrow.
Let’s look back at some of the advice Gwyneth Paltrow has shared on Goop, ranked from helpful to WTF:
Most of us are too lazy and don’t feel like paying money for a two-minute bang trim. “Common woman” Gwyneth understood this and gave us a few tips on how to cut our bangs at home. The key? Do not cut every hair the exact same length.
Some of the recipes on Goop can be too much effort and involve finding too many obscure, random and probably not-so-nice tasting ingredients. These noodle pots were quick, easy and pretty to look at.
Everyone wants to know to get rid of annoying pimples and Gwyneth was able to give us advice without harping on about diets or suggesting crazy expensive products. The most expensive one was the $165 kit found on Goop but at least there were some affordable options and good tips.
Juice cleanses are popular so it was interesting to read about soup cleanses, even if they are just a chunkier, more savory version of juice cleanses. At least the soup cleanses are a bit more substantial than the juice ones Gwyneth is always discussing.
Making your bed is something that all of us can do even if we sometimes choose not to but did we need an entire article devoted to it? Our parents showed us in a couple minutes or we figured it on by ourselves. We didn’t need to bring out our rulers to measure the width of our blanket turn-down.
Did you know that you could yawn improperly? I guess it’s important to know but did we need an entire article about “how to optimize the reflex” with multiple steps and different types of yawns? It didn’t help that the entire thing had a very sexual undertone. See: “Really give into it, as it’s the body’s primary way to release” and “Gently tilt your head back to a comfortable position and allow your mouth to hang open widely while you gently extend into it.”
Even if you’re not a wheat-dairy-meat-free-green-foods-only type of person, you can still find some decent recipes on Goop. The Sex Bark recipe probably is palatable but the inclusion of an ingredient called “Sex Dust” which “is an aphrodisiac warming potion promoting enjoyable sex and fertility for both men and women” doesn’t make it sound the most appetizing. It could have been named something a lot better than “Sex Dust.”
The internet and comedians everywhere had a field day when Gwyneth wrote about how water had feelings on Goop. She got all scientific on us and discussed how bad vibes change the crystal structure of water. If other theories support it, it could be an interesting fact to drop in at a dinner party but is being super nice to our water going to make it taste with a double fudge brownie with salted caramel sauce? Nope.
What is there to say about this one other than “nope.” Gwyneth’s post on vagina steamings, called Mugwort V-steams, was the fodder for late night hosts’ jokes for weeks. The treatment involves sitting on a throne-like chair while a mugwort and infrared steam deep cleanses your uterus. WTF?!?!?!