Because you should.
As you can clearly see from this picture, men who part their hair to the right all love God. Men who part their hair – their virtually identical hair – to the left are all preoccupied with rock music and debauchery and violence. And their droogs. And porn. If your fellow watches enough Sasha Grey videos, you can actually see his hair part moving, inching across his head like a gulf in the desert, eating all the virtue as it goes from left to right.
Also, men who don’t part their hair at all? Those are Satan’s minions, kill them on sight.- The Clearly Dope