There’s nothing like moving to make you realize just how much shit you actually own. I’m going to be moving to a different city–a different province, in fact– at the end of August, and every day for the past week, I have looked around my bedroom and thought to myself, I am but one person. How in the hell did I manage to accumulate so much shit?
And by “shit,” I mean the five different pairs of Old Navy flip flops I have gathering dust in the back of my closet. I mean the three different pairs of bright red GO CANADA GO mittens I have from three different Olympics: 2010, 2012, and 2014. I mean the magazines–so, so many magazines. I mean the coffee mugs and the reusable grocery bags and the stacks upon stacks of books.
But of all of my collections, the largest and most unnecessary is my collection of perfume bottles. I have dozens of them. Some have never been used, others are completely empty. I have three bottles of Marc Jacobs’ Daisy, two bottles of See by Chloe, and a bottle of Banana Republic’s Alabaster, which I wore steadily throughout the 12th grade and haven’t touched since. I still have the bottle of Britney Spears Curious perfume that my parents gave me for Christmas in the ninth grade. I have moved so many times since the ninth grade. How is it possible that I have never thrown away that tacky ass bottle during any of those moves?
I’m also guilty of hoarding skin care products–a gross and unnecessary thing to do, given that most of them are probably teeming with bacteria by this point. I spend so much money on my lotions and potions that even the thought of recycling their carcasses makes me feel both super sad and super stupid (sad because I have to say goodbye, and stupid because I shelled out big bucks for them, used them a few times, and then moved on to the next).
Please help me to feel less alone in my deep shame by sharing with me the beauty products that you’re guilty of hoarding. I can’t be the only one who still has a bottle of Curious floating around, right? Or are you all impossibly chic minimalists who refuse to succumb to consumer culture and therefore own exactly one bottle of perfume–sandalwood, naturally–and only the essential skin care products? And if you are, can you teach me your ways in the comment section, please?