engagement ring photo

The rise of social media engagement announcements has contributed to an increase in a bizarre plastic surgery procedure called the “hand-lift,” intended to make those “she said yes!” engagement ring photos featuring more attractive. Well thank god, because nobody is actually happy for you when you announce your engagement–everyone is just talking about how ugly your hands are.

The procedure is performed by one Dr. Ariel Ostad, and the goal is to achieve a “fuller and younger look for the picture perfect selfie,” with “a smooth surface so we don’t see any of those underlining structures.” This sounds pretty ideal, because I shudder to think of a world in which people know about my underlining structures.

The hand-lift lasts nine months and costs $1200, and for that money, you might as well get your four-year-old cousin to model your ring. I bet her hands are nice and full and young, and you just saved $1200!

When it comes to bizarre plastic surgery, my policy is usually “ugh whatever. Do what ever weird crap you want to your own body.” If you have a body insecurity, I’m not going to tell you how to handle it. But this crosses into my major area of cultural judgement, and that includes wedding-mania. This seems like a major extreme in the world of going absolutely nutso over engagement photos, custom wedding venue urinals made of mason jars, extreme diets, choreographed three movement ballets as an entrance, and artisanal mustache wax required for all male attendees.

Your hands are beautiful. You’re about to marry the love of your life. Please do not think you need to have different hands than the ones you have just to show off your engagement ring. Or, you know, do whatever with your body. But seriously, don’t do this.

Photo: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock