Catherine Zeta Jones before and after her fancy veneers.

Since I first heard the word “veneer,” I knew that I absolutely MUST have them. I don’t have bad teeth, per se, but they’re just not Hollywood teeth. I want Hollywood teeth.

I’ve been going to the same dentist since I was a kid and every time I head in for an appointment, I beg him to let me get veneers. Each time he refuses explaining that number one, I can’t afford it since insurance doesn’t cover it and each tooth runs at least several hundred dollars, if not more; and number two, my teeth are “healthy and lovely,” so he’s not going to file them down just so I can have my Hollywood teeth. He, the doctor who refuses to help me start a campaign to get funds for my future veneers, also always takes the time to point out Steve Buscemi‘s choppers, how he’s never gotten veneers and “look at how great his career is, Amanda?” Yeah, he always plays the shady guy as opposed to the romantic lead. I want to play the romantic lead in my life!

Recently singer Jewel has jumped on the “fixing” teeth bandwagon. For her role as June Carter Cash in The June Carter Cash Story on Lifetime, Jewel as not only dyed her hair, got herself a pair of baby blues, but is now rocking a mouth full of “Hollywood” teeth. She tweeted a photo of her “perfect teeth,” and as someone who always stood by her less than perfect teeth, it’s hard to tell if Jewel actually took the official plunge into veneer town, or if she’s just wearing prosthetics for the role. Her wonky teeth were definitely a trademark, so it’s hard to imagine she’d take this role to such an extreme. However, I like to think that maybe she wants to be the romantic lead in her own life, too, just like me. It can be lonely being this superficial, so I’d like Jewel to be on my side for this one.

What about you? Would you like some fancy Hollywood teeth, too?

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