Look, true confession: I do not believe children are that unusually insightful.

I mean, I think they’re insightful probably to about the same degree adults are insightful. That is to say, sometimes they say things that make you view the world in a different way, and most of the time they do not, because much of their day is taken up with making demands and flailing their arms and eating paste (this is also true of adults). I don’t think children are un-insightful. But whenever television producers trot kids onstage to have them haltingly lisp something like “everybody… they should love each other” and the audience applauds wildly and the kid stands there beaming, I always think “no one is going to tell that kid Martin Luther King Jr. beat him to the punch? Really? No?”

Oh, fine, I’m a horrible person.

Well, you know what I thought was horrible? I thought it was horrible when children went and killed Piggy.

Anyhow, the premise of Klum’s Seriously Funny Kids show according to The Daily Mail, is that “the half-hour series follows Heidi as she interacts with children and brings out the hilarious and insightful things they say.”

I guess this kind of show can be funny if you have someone absolutely hilarious narrating. Like Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby did this and was funny, but Bill Cosby can do things like talk about cardigans and be hilarious.

But Heidi Klum – as far as I can tell – is not hilarious. She is many things. She is very beautiful. She seems very nice. She seems to have a very happy marriage. She is a very good model. She is also very good at saying goodbye to contestants on reality shows in a cold, detached way. But she does not strike me as laugh out loud funny, and Jesus Christ, watching her want to seem that way (check out the picture) just makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable. It feels like attending amateur comedy night for a friend who just recently got divorced and is trying to come out their shell and  be “zany” and you are required to laugh at all their jokes. And then imagine that friend just hauled some children onstage to add to the merriment.

It’s like that.

And I don’t know what Heidi Klum is getting out of this. Did anyone really want to explore Klum’s comic side? Was this a sensible decision for her? I do not know. I doubt it, but I don’t know. I suppose, like William Golding’s Ralph I can only wonder, “What was the sensible thing to do? There was no Piggy to talk sense.”