Are you tired of the double standard that requires women to be hairless everywhere below their eyebrows but lets men be as furry as they want? If so, you’ll be happy to know that Gillette has made things a little bit fairer…not by removing this onerous burden from women, of course, but by extending it to men.
In a new ad for the Fusion ProGlide Styler (which is meant for use all over a man’s body), Gillette enlists three hott women to explain “their” male body hair preferences…or rather, to let a dude in a suit and slicked back hair explain them for them. First up, Sports Illustrated uber-babe Kate Upton likes “a man with a little hair on his chest…but definitely not on his back.” Get a buddy to help you shave your back, fellas, or Kate Upton will never bang you! And she was totally going to.
Next we have “Hannah,” a.k.a. Hannah Simone, who plays CeCe on New Girl (who would definitely think this commercial is dumb), who likes “a guy with a smooth stomach to show off his six-pack.” Paging Schmidt! Lastly, there’s Genesis Rodriguez, who likes her men to be “completely hairless… and no, she doesn’t think that’s weird.” “I don’t,” she purrs.
Aside from the obvious weirdness of having a suit bro at a cocktail party explain various women’s body hair preferences for them, this commercial is a transparent example of the “fear” model of selling things, whereby people are made to feel afraid they are going to die young/in horrible pain/alone if they do not run out and buy the featured product right now. That said, I guess it’s nice to remind men that women can be nitpicky about their partners’ appearances, too? And having being made to feel like my body’s natural hair is gross since before I even had any, I can’t say I don’t gain a small measure of schadenfreude from this. BODY HAIR: THE ONLY THING STANDING BETWEEN YOU AND KATE UPTON’S VAGINA.