22nd Annual Elton John AIDS Foundation's Oscar Viewing Party - Arrivals

Imagine my surprise when I came across the blessed news that my favorite member of the Kardashian family, one Khloe Kardashian, had joined Vine. Because she’s undenably the best of the bunch (she’s loud, brash, hilarious, doesn’t take shit, and says actually bat shit crazy things), I browsed her personal videos with great interest. As it so happens, she only has one video, and she’s totally topless and yelling.

Is she selling something? Is “GET YOUR TITS RUBBED” supposed to entice people into whatever it is that she’s doing? Look, there’s a lot of weird things on the internet and a lot of strange shit on TV, and so a really off-color video of Kardashian shouldn’t be surprising at all. The Kardashians are known for literally getting bikini waxes on camera, so Khloe indulging in whatever spa activity this is supposed to be really isn’t anything new. Except–

What the hell is even going on here? I’m assuming this is a spa treatment and not just some random woman who found Khloe and asked her to disrobe so that she could start giving her a rub down. But it’s a big world and I don’t know what types of things people get themselves into, so for all we know this woman is a total stranger. Then again, the more plausible explanation is possibly even more bizarre, that Kardashian is paying someone to rub weird shit on her body while filming it and making deeply upsetting, very non-sexual noises. This is apparently the reality we live in today. What a time to be alive.

Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images