This yam's name is Alma. As you can see, I'm about to devour her life force.

This week, I am eating only food I prepare. This week is going to be rough.

If I’ve learned anything so far, it’s that drawing faces on food is fucking fun. Like they do for children! Something else I’m postulating – I won’t say I’ve “learned” it, yet – is that children fantasize about being cannibals. I think this is still up for discussion, though, because I have an open mind.

And a full belly.

I’ll give you a moment to slap your knee at that bit of hilarious wordplay.

You know what you can’t turn into a face? A yogurt parfait. Thanks to Fabel, however, who pointed out that “yogurt parfaits are more fun when you make them because you can put them in a pretty glass” I had the good sense to put it in the prettiest tumbler I own. Look! It’s beautiful! Like a food angel from heaven!

Probably what Plato was talking about when he discussed the form of beauty, more or less.

How did I craft this food angel from the aether? Like Pygmalion. But what did I put in it? Half a banana, chopped, strawberries, chopped, blueberries, not chopped because that’s ridiculous. Lots of vanilla yogurt And I topped it off with some granola.

This is the first thing I’ve made so far that I think is legitimately better than the version I could purchase (Starbucks blueberry and strawberry parfait). I mean, it’s better because the granola is terrific and the fruit is actually fresh and not preserved in whatever alien sauce Starbucks preserves it in. That sauce looks like alien brains. You can say I don’t know that for a fact, but you don’t know my life.

So, I saved $4.50 and had something much more delicious.

The only downside is that I did have to get up 15 minutes earlier, and I had to eat it pretty quickly and not linger over it for half an hour at my desk the way I usually do. However, I got to eat it while watching Game of Throne for ten minutes, (Jon Snow is the sex symbol? Not Tyrion Lannister? Really?) so it balances out in a way that seems fair.

And then, in an effort to continue this incredibly adult project, I brought an entire bag of marshmallows to the office.

Important questions: Are there smaller bags of marshmallows? How do you stop marshmallows from immediately hardening and going stale? I will never be able to use so many within a single day, and I feel like they’re mocking me.

I needed marshmallows, though. I was making a yam for lunch, and I think it was Hemingway who said that a yam without marshmallows and butter is like a day without sunshine. Which is a solar eclipse.

It might not have been Hemingway.

Look, if eating yams with marshmallows and butter is wrong, I… will probably no longer be able to eat yams. And this was fantastic, by the way. Look at it. Look at how delicious it is:


Its beauty is blinding

This was insanely good (thanks to Lindsey for the microwaving suggestion) and easy to prepare. All you have to do to microwave a yam is stab it a few times with a fork beforehand and then… push the potato button on the microwave. Which goes for about 8 minutes? That worked.

Under normal circumstances I’d have gone to City Bakery and spent around $15 at the salad bar.

And then I made a quiche. I really did. Out of all my life achievements, this may be the one I’m proudest of. Look at it. JUST LOOK:

Notice how the light is actually playing off it, almost lovingly. No, I’m not a hero. I’m not a super-genius. I used this really simple recipe that I am about share with you. Gird your loins for how delightful and easy it is:

Quiche Lorraine Ingredients:

1 9-inch pie crust, unbaked
1 tablespoon butter
12 bacon slices, crumbled
1 bag Swiss shredded cheese
1 small onion, chopped
4 eggs
2 cups heavy cream


1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Spread crust into pie plate or quiche plate.
2. Spread crust with butter. Sprinkle bacon and cheese on crust.
3. Chop onion and sauté. Add to crust.
3. Beat eggs with rest of ingredients. Pour into crust.
4. Bake 15 minutes. Turn down to 325 degrees and bake 40 more min. Let stand 10 minutes.

There was also some insistence from interested onlookers that fennel be added (fennel is like a weird little onion; it’s like the Richard the Third of the herb family) so I did that. If fennel were a person it would look like this:

Who is this actor? I know you know! Retro snap!

I also made a berry salad with blueberries and strawberries (the same ones I’m using in the parfait) and some goat cheese and nuts. You know what was delicious, also? That. It was a really easy meal, and it gave me a chance to cook for friends rather than going out to dinner. And it is comically satisfying to see people you like enjoying the food you’ve cooked. I also deliberately wore a dress that makes me feel like I just stepped out of Little House on the Prairie, and I think that helped.

Otherwise, I imagine I might have bought a egg white feta wrap at Starbucks? That seems likely. So, $4 more saved.

Good. Total saved today: $24.

(Although I think the real savings come in insofar as I do not idly buy, say, a $4 cup of coffee while I’m out getting my egg white feta wrap, or one of the $5 cookies at City Bakery, or any of the things that you buy simply because you’re in the places selling them.)