Oh, hell, I tried.
I ended up eating a whole wheat English muffin with banana again. Remember what it looked like?
And for lunch I had another sweet potato with marshmallows. So good. Really good. And keeping a piece of bread in a zip-locked bag of marshmallows TOTALLY keeps them delicious and fluffy! I’d go so far as to say that it will cause them to regain their fluffy deliciousness. So, it looked like this, again:
But despite the fact that both of these items were repeats, I figured it would be okay, because I was going to use the potato I bought to make a twice-baked potato! Twice-baked potatoes are historically delicious, and I had all the ingredients except onions.
One thing that seems super annoying about this cooking deal is that you do have to keep going to the grocery store for more ingredients forever. I mean, you never seem to have everything you need. Do other people just plan their meals really thoroughly and carefully to avoid this? Or buy, like, 10 onions at a time? I mean, food rots. Don’t you worry it will rot before you get around to using it? Maybe mold just really freaks me out.
So, that was my plan.
JESUS GOD DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO BAKE A POTATO?
An hour and fifteen minutes. I did not know that. I only had an hour between work and a book party I was supposed to go to. (This book, Perfect Chaos, is apparently a “red hot memoir” and looks very absorbing; everyone buy it now, please.) So I decided I would go to the book party and come home early, then make a potato. Then Glenn Close showed up at this book party, and I spent a solid hour staring at her bone structure and telling everyone around me that it was cool that she was “human-sized.”
I get pretty awkward when I’m out in public.
She is human-sized, though, if you were wondering. I find that some actors have heads that are approximately the size of coconuts.
Then, at 9:30, as I was leaving, to go home, and make a potato, for an hour, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend, with whom I sometimes get dinner, asking if I’d eaten. I had not. The answer to that was “No.” “Nooooooo,” said my belly, moving its belly button like an axolotl, “Nooooooooo.” If it had been anyone else I’d have said, “Come up to my apartment and sit for an hour and a half while I make us some delicious twice baked potatoes.” That is an offer people love! (No. No one loves sitting and waiting for a potato for an hour. I’d have given them a jar of peanut butter to eat, though, because that’s how I roll.)
But you really can’t invite anyone dated back to your apartment without making for a tense, awkward, awful situation. I don’t know. Maybe you can. You’re probably good at that. I just think the odds of that situation rapidly becoming awful are better odds than you’d see anywhere in Vegas.
So I said, “Let’s get sushi.” Look! I don’t like sushi that much! This was my best attempt to stay on track! Because, while you can clearly make many things, I am pretty sure one of them is not sushi. UNLESS you are in Wall Street. Charlie Sheen and Daryl Hannah do make awesome sushi off of that little hand-crank machine in that one scene in his uber-80s apartment.
Another food you cannot make is probably blowfish. I don’t know many good blowfish places. I don’t think anyone does other than Harrison Ford‘s character in Regarding Henry a movie that, at six, left me with the confused impression that Harrison Ford was a former lawyer who had been shot in the head while out buying cigarettes, and went on to became a successful actor.
In reality, Harrison Ford was originally a carpenter.
So, we went out and got sushi. I guess something bad happened at JP Morgan yesterday. That is your financial news of the day. Tell everyone you know.
I got some sushi with strawberry on it. It wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t great, and I cursed myself for getting strawberry sushi when I had strawberries at home.
Then I remembered you really can’t make sushi at home, and I felt a little better.
I’m going to make a bunch of foods over the weekend, and photograph them with autofocus on, and report on this on Monday. Also, I apologize for being a failure, and I hope the news I brought you will make up for it on some small level.