I’m a big believer in the idea that makeup should be fun and effortless. Whenever my beauty routine starts to feel like a chore, I take a step back so I can determine the source of the problem. Nine times out of 10, the problem is lipstick. I’ve never quite mastered the art of wearing it effortlessly. To be honest, leaving the house in lipstick usually sends me straight into a ridiculous tailspin of worrying. If you’re a lipstick wearer, perhaps you can sympathize.
The following are 14 worries I have whenever I decide to wear lipstick.
1. Does the color I’m wearing make my teeth look yellow? I think I’m OK in this light, but am I OK outside? In the restaurant? What kind of lights are in the restaurant again?
2. I think I over-lined my lips. Yeah, I definitely did. That’s in style though, right?
3. What if I suddenly start sweating a lot on my upper lip? Does upper lip sweat ruin your lipstick?
4. What if my lipstick winds up on my teeth and I don’t notice?
5. What are the rules about smoky eyes and red lipstick again? Can you wear both at the same time or is that still a faux pas? Do I care?
6. Does this color clash with my sweater, or does it complement it in a quirky, offbeat sort of way?
7. Are people into matte lipstick right now? Or should I be going glossy? Do I look like I just stepped out of 2006 right now?
8. What if my lipstick bleeds all over the place and I don’t notice?
9. What if I really want a sandwich for lunch? What then? Is there a way to eat a sandwich without it actually touching your lips? Does anyone just, like, cut their sandwich up and use a fork to eat it?
10. What if I just start making out with someone? That could totally happen at the pharmacy, right?
11. Do I have enough space in my bag for my compact mirror, lip primer, lip liner, lip balm, and lipstick?
12. This lipstick formula is so drying. My lips are going to be a chapped mess by the end of the day.
13. So if the ’90s are back, does that mean that frosted lipstick is back too…?
14. What do I do if I want to try on a turtleneck at the mall today? I haven’t worn a turtleneck since 1997, but what if today’s the day that I decide I want to buy one? How do I try on a turtleneck without getting lipstick all over it? Help.