To all of you who spent $60 on a plastic clip that promises to straighten and slim your nose, there’s now a new perfume for you! It’s brought to you by Veld’s, a French beauty company that specializes in all-natural skincare (think products like “Age Killer Serum” made from plants). The new scent is called Prends-Moi, and Veld’s claims it is the world’s first weight loss perfume. Get ready to eyeroll. Hard:

Spring 2011, Veld’s once again turns beauty codes upside-down and launches the very first Parfum de Minceur.

A new fragrance-gesture, combining the pleasure of a real fragrance with the desire for a beautiful silhouette, the dream of every woman when spring arrives…

You’re supposed to spray it on yourself when you feel peckish. The perfume wafts over you and suddenly you are fine. They also suggest, perhaps with even more balls, to use it as a topical spray on areas that need special attention. Good lord. Here is some pseudo-science for you:

The fruit of neuro-cosmetics and olfactory therapy, PRENDS-MOI mobilises an exclusive complex of active ingredients whose star is the “Betaphroline”. When it comes in contact with keratinocytes, it induces the release of the ß-endorphins present in the skin. The “pleasure message”, transmitted through the neuro-transmitters to the hippocampus (the “odor brain”), triggers an immediate sensation of well-being, stress is rapidly reduced, pleasure takes the place of certain compulsive eating behaviors enabling a slimming action to be set in motion.

The ingredients also contain “caffeine, carnitine and spirulina extract” which they promise will “activate the two key enzymes directly involved in lipolysis (fat degradation).” Hence, the topical spraying.

And what does such a thing smell like? Does snake oil even have a smell?

Lively accents of bergamot, mandarin and grapefruit, are placed in a deliciously fresh ambience. The middle notes are a flight of floral scents where jasmine responds to ylang-ylang and freshly picked lilac. The base notes combine musk and vanilla with patchouli and the woodsy intensity of sandalwood. A sparkling marriage that gives this first Eau de Minceur all the virtues of a natural and luminous fragrance.

So Earl Grey spritzer. Snake oil smells like an Earl Grey spritzer.

Here is the equally ridiculous commercial: