According to The New York Times, there’s a growing trend among fashionable gentlemen of wearing their long, lovely locks up in a bun, like a ballerina would. While I often take pleasure in calling bullshit on things NYT Styles claims to be “trending,” I’m afraid my own eyes have been verifying for quite some time that this is, in fact, a real thing guys in Williamsburg are doing.

The reasoning behind this trend is dubious at best. One man bun devotee told The Times that he wears his hair up in a bun while bartending to avoid the “Steven Seagal/hippie uncle” vibe that comes with wearing a ponytail, which begs the question: what kind of vibe, exactly, does he think a man bun evokes?

In my experience, there are two types of guys who wear buns. The long haired neo-hippie who needs to get his hair off his face while doing yoga or whatever and doesn’t care if his utilitarian hairstyle looks ridiculous (this type has also been known to wear braids), and the trendy ass goofballs described in the article who think man buns are totally cool. I know there’s an unfair ratio of women to men in this city, but we’ve got to draw the line somewhere, ladies. If a guy seems like the second type, don’t fuck him. (You can exercise your own discretion as to whether or not you’d like to fuck the first type. They’re often quite smelly, but they can be kind and sensitive individuals who share their psych records and give killer back rubs.)

Or maybe I’m just being a huge philistine, and the man bun as it exists today is the great second coming of the samurai warrior’s topknot, a mark of grace, honor and swordsmanship. I should be beheaded for my disrespect! How do you feel?

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