Let’s talk about merkins.

Okay. Let’s.

What are they?: Pubic wigs to make your down-there hair look full and luscious. And rainbow colored!

Why were they invented?: To disguise the unsightly symptoms of venereal diseases in a pre-penicillin era. So their wearers could continue to have sex and no one would be the wiser about their condition. So, for evil. They were invented for incredible evil.

Why should I care about this?: Because they’re back! The Daily Beast says so! The Internet is a truth teller!

Wait, why are they back?: Boardwalk Empire. Duh. Also, Heidi Klum wore one. And Sasha Grey was sporting a full bush on Entourage. Pubic hair is in, and constant waxing means that some women can’t grow theirs out. Like Kate Winslet. That’s why she wore a merkin in The Reader.

I am sold on this. Please, tell me more. What should my merkin be made of?: According to Rhonda Thaut of World of Wigs, “most merkins are made from various forms of lace, ranging from low-end mesh to high-end French silk lace. Most clients prefer it to be made with human hair [from the head]. The hair is treated to give it a kinky (no pun intended) texture, so it resembles pubic hair. Each hair is hand-tied to the lace.”

How is it applied?: The entire pubic area is shaved, then the merkin is applied with adhesive. Get good adhesive or it can lead to burns around the area.

Ew: I know, right? That’s probably why some actresses have a clause in their contacts stipulating that they’ll be paid more if they have to wear one.

Won’t my boyfriend be weirded out when he notices that all my pubic hair is glued on?: Yes. But I think he’ll have noticed something is amiss as soon as he sees that your pubic hair is pink and blue and purple.

Is that all I need to know about merkins? Maybe not, but it is all I know about them.

Merkins: Hollywood’s Most Private Accessory – Daily Beast