“A few years ago, a heart-shaped USB flash drive that was covered in black Swarovski crystals was atop my holiday wish list.”

So begins this astonishing piece in yesterday’s Times, in which Simone S. Oliver shares her enthusiasm for Tweezerman‘s new styles of Swarovksi-clotted eyebrow accessories, which will be sold exclusively at Neiman Marcus. The one above is a bargain at $100. The following option is for the real big spenders:

Yes, that is $200 worth of Tweezers. We mean, sure, it’s a tweezer and a stand. Covered in crystals. This almost feels like some sort of sinister joke the Times is playing on us, which ends (miraculously):

“Somehow plucking strays under a mirror not your own feels less awkward when your tweezer is as stylish as your outfit.”

A mirror not your own? Is the NYT just hiding in strangers’ bathrooms, compulsively plucking eyebrows with $200 crystal Tweezers? What’s going on? This feels like a dispatch from another world. And so:

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