I don’t know any of you have read my bio lately, but if you have, you’ll know that I’m a self-proclaimed recovering Jonas Brothers addict. There was a several years-long period of my life in high school during which the walls of my bedroom were entirely papers in JoBros posters, I knew the words to all of their songs, and I was convinced I was going to find some way to trap Nick Jonas into marrying me (perhaps by wearing vanilla perfume?). I’m not proud, but I’m not exactly ashamed. Now, the posters are no more, I’d probably still be able to sing along to the majority of old Jonas Brothers music, and while I no longer think that Nick and I are going to get married, a love like that doesn’t simply go away. I’m really into his new music and also his general existence.
You know what I’m not a fan of? The fact that his hair is blue on the cover of Adon Magazine. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. I like the cover, and I could probably get past the whole blue-hair thing considering he’s just so gotdam pretty, but I can’t get past how many other things the blue hair reminds me of. I’ll spare you the Nick Jonas-themed thinkpiece I’d otherwise write if I were only interested in indulging myself, and, instead, present to you a list of all the things Nick Jonas’s hair reminds me of.
I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I’ve enjoyed curating and writing it.
1. A swim cap
Specifically, this swim cap. But hopefully less waterlogged.
2. Lego hair
Like, the kind that would feel like literal torture to step, but maybe not so bad because Nick Jonas’s person would be beneath it. But then you’d be stepping on his head. Honestly, I’m not sure where I’m going with this.
Now that I think about it, I don’t know if I’d be opposed to listening to Nick Jonas sing the “Thong Song.”
4. The entirety of Blue Man Group
Except they don’t have eyebrows. At least Nick has that going for him.
5. Captain America’s mask
You can’t unsee it. #Murica.
6. Tobias Fünke
Yep, this one’s definitely better than that whole Blue Man Group thing I mentioned earlier.
7. A blue concrete wall
You know, the ones that were in all of your really crappy college dorm rooms. The ones that you’d accidentally lean on thinking that it wouldn’t feel like rubbing up against a cactus. Those concrete walls.
That yellow font makes all of this look verrrry familiar…
9. Cookie Monster
Don’t you just want to hug him now? Didn’t you want to do that before you even read this post? I knew I liked you.
10. Joy from Inside Out
Just as joyful, maybe a little less animated, but still accurate.