Sometimes, I think to myself, “wow, it must have been hard to have been a girl growing up in the 1950’s. I pretty much buy into beauty ideals, so I’d probably have to spend all my time getting myself into cone bras, dying my hair blond, generally trying to look like Marilyn Monroe.”If I have any doubt about that, I can look to any “advice to teen ladies” book from the period and they will assure me that is what I must do to snag a man. And I think to myself, “I’m so glad I live in an age when so many different types of beauty are valued.”

Then I remember that our current cultural beauty icon is Kim Kardashian and I want to kill everything.

I recognize that it’s great that the standard beauty ideal is no longer “blond white woman with large breasts”. That, obviously, was an incredibly difficult beauty ideal for many, many woman, and it’s only recently that we’ve overcome that. Remember back when Janice Dickinson was considered really ethnic and out there for the modeling industry? Ashley and I laugh over that all the time. So, it’s great that women of many different cultures can be considered equally beautiful.

Except I swear to God, Kim Kardashian is some sort of robot combining the appealing traits from every ethnicity. Dying my hair and wearing a cone bra would not make me look even a tiny bit more like her. I could not look like her without getting ass implants, and somehow developing thick lustrous hair, and a straighter nose, AND enormous breasts. She’s aspirational to everyone, but that means she can be aspirational to no one.

Of course, maybe that’s better for everyone insofar as everyone knows that they can’t look like Kim Kardashian, whereas back in the day we’d be strapping on elaborate lingerie under wiggle sweaters. Except for the people who routinely wear bandage dresses in an attempt to replicate her supremely curvaceous – yet size two! – body. Which, oh, that’s every girl in the nightclubs if New York. I guess there are a lot of girls

Though, I guess, to be fair there are some people who look like her, but clearly, looking like her will get you sued for $20 million, which seems to imply that it’s some sort of rare look.

Is it better to live in an age where we simply know that unless we come from the Kardashian family we pretty much have no shot of looking like the beauty ideal in our culture? Wait. Should we just stop caring about beauty ideals and embrace our own features? Hahaha, that doesn’t happen!