Nate D. Sanders Auctions Collection Of Academy Award Oscar Statuettes Set To Be Auctioned

In my inbox this morning, was a non-assuming press release about what swag would appear in the Oscars gift bag. Among the $300 personalize M&Ms and $275 rolls of luxury toilet paper swag bag, is something called a Vampire Breast Lift and it costs cool $1,900.

If the name sounds familiar, that’s because it should. Last year, the Vampire Facelift was part of the gift bag, something that was made famous by some rando named Kim Kardashian. Her bloody-faced selfie made waves in the skincare world and made the Vampire Facelift something that people were actually interested in instead of running screaming from.

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But the newest option, which is also known as the PRP Breast Enhancement, literally takes blood from your arms and pumps it back into your breasts to give you “perkier cleavage.” Ugh *eyeroll* Because what female nominees are totally worrying about how non-perky their boobs are while they are strapped into a dress that will be ruthlessly be picked apart by fashion critics the moment the hit the red carpet.

(Related: Ariel Winter Opens Up About Her Breast Reduction Surgery, Continues To Be Our Favorite Person)

Now, I get that the gift bag that Oscar nominees receive is really just about being as lavish and unnecessary as possible (hence the 6 digit price tag for each) but why would you offer a pretty intimate procedure to someone who didn’t even ask for it? Like, “Here, I got you this $2k boob job even thought you totally didn’t say you wanted it. Aren’t you going to say thank you?” I want to get into the feminist red flags that go off in my brain about offering nominees, 20 of whom are female, a breast augmentation, but that’s another article all together. Boob jobs (and plastic surgery in general) have always been a point of contention among feminist ideals, mainly because it hits on a lot of the patriarchal views our society has on how women look and age.

The biggest issue I have, besides the sexist implications of offering the female nominees (whose median age is 65.8) a free breast lift, is no one knows if it even works. Dr. Robert Centeno, a plastic surgeon in Virginia, told RealSelf that “There’s the chance that PRP could stimulate certain cells in the breast to change their biologic behavior. We just don’t know. With 1 in 8 women expected to develop breast cancer in their lifetime, what is the safety of injecting growth factor into a woman’s breast tissue?”

So not only are the gift bags including things that no one actually needs, especially not already rich celebs, but the Vampire Breast Lift is just an unnecessary procedure that’s being touted as the next big breakthrough and no one even knows what the fuck it does. I just can’t with this. Listen, you do you when it comes to plastic surgery. I am not one to judge anyone for how they feel about their body and how they choose to deal with it. Unless it’s done in an unsafe manner, and judging on the quotes I’m seeing from actual plastic surgeons, this Vampire Breast Lift is just, no okay.

Do your research before you do anything to your body that could potentially permanently effect it, especially something that was given to you for free in a gift bag.