photoshop children

Sometimes your child who you love is just ugly as hell, and you just want to Photoshop some makeup onto that kid. Well praised be – an Omaha, Nebraska-based Etsy shop has just the solution for your ugly child, with offers to retouch his or her dull features so that he or she won’t continue to be so revolting.

Number8DesignStudio offers retouching on many portraits (including Facebook and Twitter profile pictures), but I find their “Pageant Glitz Retouching” package to be the most innovative.

Glitz editing includes enhancing eyes, adding make-up, spray on tan, smoothing skin, highlights in hair, whitening of teeth, etc.

You can even pick between varying levels of editing, such as glitz, semi glitz, or natural glitz. And for $15 per photo, it’d be a stupid financial decision not to pay to have this done. For $30, you can even spring for the Glitz PLUS package, which includes hair adding!

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This is clearly aimed at the Pageant crowd, but I think all of us can take a hint from the pageant philosophy and start teaching our girls that they will be judged solely on their physical appearance for the rest of their lives, and they better start taking steps to improving their ugly mugs. Let’s make sure children find out as early as possible that they aren’t perfect, beautiful creatures, and we all just love them for their personalities. We would love them more if they were prettier.

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I simply wish that Number8DesignStudio would push the envelope a bit more with their innovation, and offer to retouch delivery room photos. We shouldn’t be wasting any time letting young children develop any kind of positive body image when we all know that newborns look like a squashed alien invasion. If only we could honor newborns in photos with a more attractive light–that is to say fully defined eyelashes, a spray tan, and some highlights.

Finally, I can’t help but celebrate that it appears that a woman runs this Etsy shop, and I want to commend her for doing her part in our grand cultural narrative that tells women of all ages that they’re not good enough. Don’t say women never help out other women. Brava!

Photo: Etsy // via The Frisky